So here we are, New Year's Eve 2009 - 3 months and a week post-surgery. A couple of weeks ago I went in to Toronto to see the Doc and check out a, shall we say, "raised" area just above and to the right of my new belly button. It felt as if I had a tennis ball-sized bit of swollen tissue most of the time - worse after I'd eaten. My next appointment wasn't to be until February, but this new appearance of a post-op reaction made me feel a little squiffy, so I drove into the big city to check it out. The Doc was not in the least bit worried about this area, told me that parts of my stomach might just be healing at different rates. After my appointment I realized that the this area seems to be more prominent after I've eaten. So whatever swollen tissue that I do have is pressed to the surface when my stomach is full. The area is either not as noticeable or I've gotten used to it in the past couple of weeks.
Since the surgery, I seem to get full faster. This may well be because my muscles provide a tighter cage around my stomach. I'm trying my best to listen to my body when it's full - relearn that instinct that seems so natural in children. It's astounding to me that my 9 year old daughter can have a half-eaten piece of chocolate cake in front of her and leave it because she's full. It may be that my childhood of "Finish what's on your plate, or you won't have dessert," has wrecked havoc with my body's signals. Mindful eating is discovering a new country and I'm bound and determined to speak its language.
This morning I have a little twitch on my left eye. Usually this sort of thing occurs when I'm stressing out about something, but as I'm on Christmas holidays I can't imagine what I might be stressed about. My most stressful moments lately have been waking up to take out the dog that we're baby-sitting. This dog is used to getting up at 4:00 a.m., so David and I are taking turns letting her out for a pee. I can really sleep through almost anything, so David has to nudge me and convince me to leave the snuggly duvet warmth of our bed. Before having kids, I was a very light sleeper. Now unless Rissa is calling for "Mummy" specifically in the middle of the night, I can tune out. That's not to say that I don't carry a pair of earplugs with me when I travel - different noises in someone else's house can distract me at 2:00 a.m., but at home David marvels at my ability to zonk.
Reflecting upon this last year and on my decision for surgery is natural today. One of my most freeing moments of 2009 was playing a pregnant woman in the musical Hair. It was the first time onstage that I wasn't worried about how I looked. Being "pregnant," wearing a 1960s flower-child dress over a padded tummy was wonderful. I didn't worry about my posture, didn't worry about people assuming I was pregnant, because I was supposed to be pregnant - I look at photos from the show and I like them. Do you know how rare it is for a woman to like photos of herself? We're constantly microanalysing our appearance - seeing extra weight where there really isn't any, our hair was too flat or too poofy, the angle of the camera showed extra skin under our chin, agonizing over a skirt that now looks too short... I don't think that men can imagine the psychological freedom that comes with photos that you LIKE looking at.
There is freedom now as a result of the tummy tuck. I thought that I'd spend time marvelling at my new physique in the mirror, but that's not the case. Maybe at the one year mark, when the scar isn't so prominent, but certainly not right now. The extra tissue and skin that once graced my abdomen no longer concerns me - it's not a constant reminder that I gained too much weight with my pregnancies, that I should have worked harder to tone after the first baby, that I shouldn't have eaten ice cream every day that summer when I was 11... Not having it there allows me to focus on other things. I used to sit on the couch to read or watch t.v. and some elemental part of my mind was focusing on my stomach. Wearing clothes that were tight enough to show off the stomach had me reaching for the afghan to camouflage the area, but even with it camouflaged, my mind knew it was still there.
I was embarrassed to have David touch it, even brush against that area of squooshy cottage cheesiness. I've been a woman who has sucked in my entire adult life. I don't remember ever NOT sucking in. When I was in my early 20s and at a fit weight for me (around the 150 lb mark) I worried about sitting on someone's lap because I was too heavy. I look at pictures now of me from that decade in my life and I know that even then, I was dissatisfied with my appearance. Now when I look at those photos I see this fit, albeit busty gal who had collar bones and cheekbones and nothing to apologize for. Since the surgery, since I haven't had to worry about wearing the industrial strength binder, I haven't been fixated on how big I am, what my silhouette looks like. I'm NOT thinking about it. I don't shift David's hand now if it rests on my abdomen. I don't cringe at the way I look in a pair of panties. This surgery has released me from that - it's been a gift. (Well after those first 2 weeks - those first 2 weeks were REALLY, REALLY bad - don't ever forget the first 2 weeks!) This is a gift that my Gran gave me. Thank you Gran.
I lost a dear friend this year. My friend Shannon died from complications due to leukemia on April 9th. She was 41 years old. She was the godmother to Rissa, she gave me strength, made me a better writer, actor and, more importantly, person. Through this whole process of surgery and recovery I keep wanting to tell her things, talk details through with her like I always did. Sometimes I still do and I can almost, but not quite, hear her voice in my head in response. Shannon would have revelled in the freedom that I have gained after this surgery - she would glory in my new-found ability to love my body. She was never a petty or jealous person and she would be genuinely happy for me. She would give me one of her great Shan hugs and hold me and be proud of me for deciding to make this change - and so thrilled that the choice was eventually the right one for me. Love you Shan.
Happy New Year everyone! I'm 41 years old and I made a decision that changed my life this year. I'm a new person. And you know what's funny? I had thought that the doctor removed 3 lbs of tissue from my tummy and it turns out that that extra weight hadn't been on my tummy at all - it had been on my shoulders. I had carried around that extra skin not just in a physical sense, but emotionally for years and now... it's gone. My challenge now and for the rest of my life will be to love and accept myself. Physicality is just one aspect of life - but it reflects upon so many other things. And if I can embrace this physical aspect of myself, which just houses the rest of my being, I can surely embrace all my other potential, in writing and performing and trying to live my life the way that Shannon did. I made this change. Me. It was tough and costly - not just in a financial sense - but I'm happy with my choice.
Cheers!
Heather
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
8 Weeks Post Op
Had my 8 week post-op appointment with the Doc. She was very happy with how I am progressing. I am too, for that matter. I don't swell up nearly as much. I have more sensation in my tummy - there remains an oval of about 6 inches by 3 1/2 inches where I had little to no sensation beneath my belly button and stretching to my incision line. The funny thing is that below the incision line I have all my sensation back. (The clown in me wants to add "If you know what I mean" to that.)
Speaking of clown... at the 7 week mark I participated in a clown workshop in Ottawa. An entire weekend of physical comedy. It was 18 hours long spread over 3 days and it was pretty intensive. I couldn't do some of the more physical exercises -jumping into a high tuck and then landing lightly on my feet, falling down and then getting back up fluidly... after I fall down I still need to roll to one side and then push myself up with one arm. By each of the days' end I was happy and exhausted and my tummy was protesting a tad.
After the clown workshop we drove down to Washington DC where we walked and walked and walked... and then walked some more. And may I say? Washington in stunning! I was truly taken aback at how beautiful it was there. The National Mall and the monuments and the elms leading to the Lincoln Memorial and the Smithsonian museums... even the IRS building was beautiful. Sorry to say, but our federal buildings in Canada (apart from Parliament Hill and a few others) are not pretty. It's like all our federal buildings were updated in the 70s and haven't been touched since. I've gotta say that the US capitol made me gasp several times because it's so amazingly picturesque. I had been a little worried that all the walking in DC might prove difficult for me, but I felt great. Physically tired at the end of each day, but great. Not once did we have to request a wheelchair for my healing body - which had been my concern before going.
I'll take some more pics of how the tummy looks and post them with this, but it's looking good. Last week I found some un-dissolved stitched that I pulled and there were also some ingrown hairs along my incision adding to the "eeew" factor. At the far edges of the incision I have a bit of "dog-eared" flesh (stuff that sticks up a bit) that may or may not settle down after a year's time. If it doesn't flatten out by then, the Doc assured me that she would do something about it, but until then we wait. She was apologetic at the redness of my scar, but assured me that after a year it would be much better. I guess that some gals are surprised that being cut nearly in half results in an angry-looking scar, but I'm just happy to have a flatter tummy without the cottage cheese consistency. She also noticed that maybe an inch and a half of the scar is now a titch raised. I hadn't even noticed because I'm still a little icked out about touching the scar. She told me to massage the area and I could use a "scar" cream or regular lotion, but the massaging part was important to get sensation back and help flatten the scar - which I hadn't even noticed wasn't really flat.
I have basically the same body shape as I did before, only without the bulging tummy in front. I've gone down 2 or 3 pant sizes depending on the brand and that in itself is pretty phenomenal. Not having to suck in is a really nice feeling. I am aiming to still lose another 10 pounds or so that would put me in the healthy BMI (body mass index) range - which I haven't been in for - well lets say EVER because it's true. Funny thing is though, most people would never say that I'm overweight. Even with the extra tummyness. At 5'6", I've always been voluptuous and I've never been the 130 - 135 lbs that I'm supposed to be. NEVER. At 150 I look good and that's what I'm aiming for. Any less than that and I think I might look a wee bit cadaverous.
Another highlights this week... I've walked 10 K twice! (The other days I didn't have an hour and a half to spare so I just stuck to the 5-7 K) Of course both those 10 K nights I crashed with the kid at 8:00 p.m. But to know that I can... that's a really good feeling. And seeing as the sun is shining at present, I'd best go for my walk - I'm aiming for 7 K this morning.
Cheers!
Heather
Speaking of clown... at the 7 week mark I participated in a clown workshop in Ottawa. An entire weekend of physical comedy. It was 18 hours long spread over 3 days and it was pretty intensive. I couldn't do some of the more physical exercises -jumping into a high tuck and then landing lightly on my feet, falling down and then getting back up fluidly... after I fall down I still need to roll to one side and then push myself up with one arm. By each of the days' end I was happy and exhausted and my tummy was protesting a tad.
After the clown workshop we drove down to Washington DC where we walked and walked and walked... and then walked some more. And may I say? Washington in stunning! I was truly taken aback at how beautiful it was there. The National Mall and the monuments and the elms leading to the Lincoln Memorial and the Smithsonian museums... even the IRS building was beautiful. Sorry to say, but our federal buildings in Canada (apart from Parliament Hill and a few others) are not pretty. It's like all our federal buildings were updated in the 70s and haven't been touched since. I've gotta say that the US capitol made me gasp several times because it's so amazingly picturesque. I had been a little worried that all the walking in DC might prove difficult for me, but I felt great. Physically tired at the end of each day, but great. Not once did we have to request a wheelchair for my healing body - which had been my concern before going.
I'll take some more pics of how the tummy looks and post them with this, but it's looking good. Last week I found some un-dissolved stitched that I pulled and there were also some ingrown hairs along my incision adding to the "eeew" factor. At the far edges of the incision I have a bit of "dog-eared" flesh (stuff that sticks up a bit) that may or may not settle down after a year's time. If it doesn't flatten out by then, the Doc assured me that she would do something about it, but until then we wait. She was apologetic at the redness of my scar, but assured me that after a year it would be much better. I guess that some gals are surprised that being cut nearly in half results in an angry-looking scar, but I'm just happy to have a flatter tummy without the cottage cheese consistency. She also noticed that maybe an inch and a half of the scar is now a titch raised. I hadn't even noticed because I'm still a little icked out about touching the scar. She told me to massage the area and I could use a "scar" cream or regular lotion, but the massaging part was important to get sensation back and help flatten the scar - which I hadn't even noticed wasn't really flat.
I have basically the same body shape as I did before, only without the bulging tummy in front. I've gone down 2 or 3 pant sizes depending on the brand and that in itself is pretty phenomenal. Not having to suck in is a really nice feeling. I am aiming to still lose another 10 pounds or so that would put me in the healthy BMI (body mass index) range - which I haven't been in for - well lets say EVER because it's true. Funny thing is though, most people would never say that I'm overweight. Even with the extra tummyness. At 5'6", I've always been voluptuous and I've never been the 130 - 135 lbs that I'm supposed to be. NEVER. At 150 I look good and that's what I'm aiming for. Any less than that and I think I might look a wee bit cadaverous.
Another highlights this week... I've walked 10 K twice! (The other days I didn't have an hour and a half to spare so I just stuck to the 5-7 K) Of course both those 10 K nights I crashed with the kid at 8:00 p.m. But to know that I can... that's a really good feeling. And seeing as the sun is shining at present, I'd best go for my walk - I'm aiming for 7 K this morning.
Cheers!
Heather
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Nearly 7 weeks Post-Op
I'm feeling pretty great. I feel like I can tackle the world with enthusiasm and verve. I do my morning walk (I'm up to about 7 K now); I do about 30 minutes on the Wii Fit (mostly balance games and gentle yoga) and then, about 5:00 p.m., I'm ready to sleep like the dead. I hit the wall and it's all I can do to stay vertical. This exhaustion may still be some of the residual effects from the general anaesthetic. And with my freaky metabolism, I shouldn't be surprised, but really? I'm falling asleep sometimes before 8:00 p.m. My 9 year-old daughter stays up later than me.
I have had weird-ass things going on for me since I was 11 and started having migraines. At about 13 I started having dizzy spells. I have always been clumsy and accident prone and most recently I gave up using Splenda in my one cup of coffee in the morning because I was having fibromyalgia/MS-like symptoms. My entire body was aching from head to toe - I was almost certain that I must be having a prolonged flu (5 weeks of it), but the naturopath suggested that I cut out artificial sweeteners and within about 3 days I was fine again. I mentioned before my sensitivity to caffeine. So for me to still be reacting to the anaesthetic - isn't completely crazy. Oh, I am completely crazy, most definitely, but my reaction may just be normal for me. My GP rolls his eyes in front of me and basically treats me like a well-spoken hypochondriac. My husband, on the other hand, knows not to let me out of the house between about 3:00 p.m. and dinner time because my blood sugar is low, and I might end up standing in Zellers, stunned, staring at the colourful wrapping paper in the stationery section.
Yesterday I tried some girlie pushups with a side plank. It wasn't a total failure, but I could certainly feel my stomach during it. I made sure that I relied almost completely upon my arms and had an inner monologue that went something like, "Is that a twinge? No, it's okay. Just breathe. Focus on your arms. Meh. Ew. That might have been a twinge." Any exercise that I do on one foot automatically engages my core muscles so attempting 10 leg lift thingies can get me a little tired. I can now sort of feel the muscle tension in my core when I try to tighten. I used to have INCREDIBLE muscle (underneath the nice squooshy layer of fat) I could have pulled a Houdini with my core confidence. (I hope I would have been ready for the punch and not have died from it.) So now to have it barely there makes me desperately want to spend time doing some major planks to get it nice and tight, but it still hasn't been 2 months yet and frankly, by bedtime, NOT doing planks, my tummy is still swollen and skin a little loose. It's like the more swollen I get, the looser my skin above the incision gets. This also happens to coincide with my residual stretch marks, so I get a miniature version of the floppy elephant's ear thing. I'm not really complaining because the size of the elephant's ear (when it happens - it's not all the time) is now around 5 or 6 inches squared as opposed to the 60 inches squared that it used to be. So that's pretty good progress. Today though, I'm going to try to take it easy. Yesterday I was in and out of the car a lot, and I didn't sit and relax that much. I'll try to ice my stomach and take it easy and see how that helps my tummy.
Oh, and the binder? It's so much more comfortable than the control-top panties. I've been alternating. I wear the binder for my morning walk generally, and then switch into the control-tops, but by day's end, I'm sore, especially around the legs and hips. Who'd have ever thought that my medical grade velcro binder would become my crutch?
Cheers!
Heather
I have had weird-ass things going on for me since I was 11 and started having migraines. At about 13 I started having dizzy spells. I have always been clumsy and accident prone and most recently I gave up using Splenda in my one cup of coffee in the morning because I was having fibromyalgia/MS-like symptoms. My entire body was aching from head to toe - I was almost certain that I must be having a prolonged flu (5 weeks of it), but the naturopath suggested that I cut out artificial sweeteners and within about 3 days I was fine again. I mentioned before my sensitivity to caffeine. So for me to still be reacting to the anaesthetic - isn't completely crazy. Oh, I am completely crazy, most definitely, but my reaction may just be normal for me. My GP rolls his eyes in front of me and basically treats me like a well-spoken hypochondriac. My husband, on the other hand, knows not to let me out of the house between about 3:00 p.m. and dinner time because my blood sugar is low, and I might end up standing in Zellers, stunned, staring at the colourful wrapping paper in the stationery section.
Yesterday I tried some girlie pushups with a side plank. It wasn't a total failure, but I could certainly feel my stomach during it. I made sure that I relied almost completely upon my arms and had an inner monologue that went something like, "Is that a twinge? No, it's okay. Just breathe. Focus on your arms. Meh. Ew. That might have been a twinge." Any exercise that I do on one foot automatically engages my core muscles so attempting 10 leg lift thingies can get me a little tired. I can now sort of feel the muscle tension in my core when I try to tighten. I used to have INCREDIBLE muscle (underneath the nice squooshy layer of fat) I could have pulled a Houdini with my core confidence. (I hope I would have been ready for the punch and not have died from it.) So now to have it barely there makes me desperately want to spend time doing some major planks to get it nice and tight, but it still hasn't been 2 months yet and frankly, by bedtime, NOT doing planks, my tummy is still swollen and skin a little loose. It's like the more swollen I get, the looser my skin above the incision gets. This also happens to coincide with my residual stretch marks, so I get a miniature version of the floppy elephant's ear thing. I'm not really complaining because the size of the elephant's ear (when it happens - it's not all the time) is now around 5 or 6 inches squared as opposed to the 60 inches squared that it used to be. So that's pretty good progress. Today though, I'm going to try to take it easy. Yesterday I was in and out of the car a lot, and I didn't sit and relax that much. I'll try to ice my stomach and take it easy and see how that helps my tummy.
Oh, and the binder? It's so much more comfortable than the control-top panties. I've been alternating. I wear the binder for my morning walk generally, and then switch into the control-tops, but by day's end, I'm sore, especially around the legs and hips. Who'd have ever thought that my medical grade velcro binder would become my crutch?
Cheers!
Heather
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Jean Shopping at 5 Weeks Post-Op
I now find myself doing the exact same thing that pretty much everyone who has ever had a good tummy tuck does. I find myself saying "Yeah, those first two weeks were brutal, but now I'm so happy with my decision." See that? It IS just like childbirth. Those first couple of weeks I know, I mean, I KNOW, they were bad, but now... I'm that gal who is all butterflies and sunshine and lollipops and soft snuggly kittens. I'm that gal who cannot believe that this is her stomach in the mirror.
Now that most of the swelling has gone down, I'm recognizing that this new body of mine is substantially different than before. Yes, I still have the Ken doll-esque pubic bone and a titch of swelling above the incision, but I can now bend over and I don't have rolls of skin and fat that are nigh on impossible to mask.
I went shopping this week for jeans. Bear with me now, because this is the part where you'll hate me. I used to be a solid 12 or 14 in everything. Ever since I can remember. My Grad dress from high school was an 11. I have never been a truly petite girl. Never obese, but not a sylph-like model either. This week I bought a pair of jeans that were a size 8. I'm pretty sure the last time I was a size 8 was when I was 8. I went to a fairly chi-chi store and started trying things on - with the proviso that I didn't want anything terribly low-rise. Again, just because I can does NOT mean that I should.
They put me in a size 10 jeans. A $279 pair of size 10 jeans. I had entered the store and basically said, "Look, you may as well point me to the most expensive clothes you have in the store right now so that I can get them off my radar." And I tried on these $279 JEANS. They're JEANS! Are they sewn together with gold? Will I be able to leave them to my daughter in my will? NO - they are JEANS! But man did my ass look good in them. Was it $279 worth of good? I ain't so sure.
I then tried on a less expensive pair of chi-chi jeans (again $95 for JEANS!?!), and the gal said that the size 10 was too big. I looked at her in mystified confusion. Too big? But they were a size 10. I don't ever wear size 10s. I shook my head at her. "Oh no, that can't be right. I won't fit into an 8." Well she put her hand down the back of my waistband to show me that these pants were too big and then prodded my groin area to indicate that they also bunched in the front. Next thing I know, I'm walking out of the store having just purchased size 8 jeans. Me - voluptuous girl - the one with the boobs - wandering the streets shaking my head, unwilling to believe it. And terrified deep down that this is all just some crazy dream and I'll wake up with the elephant ear tummy once more.
So now I had these new chi-chi jeans for dress-up, but I still didn't have casual pants other than my yoga pants. So yesterday we made a trip to Peterborough to Value Village. For those of you who aren't Ontarians - Value Village is a 2nd hand clothing store. What you find there usually isn't vintage - unless you consider the 80s vintage - but it's great for finding good-quality used clothes. I got 2 pairs of casual jeans, a pair of capri jeans and casual pants - Rissa got jazz shoes and a dance dress all for under $65! Plus I found a vintage 1960s plaid wool jacket for $12.99! It's all creams and greens and yellows and oranges and it fit me!!
What you have to understand is that I was born in the wrong decade. I really should have been born in the late 1930s. I have the figure of someone who should be wearing clothes from the 50s and early 60s. I've got boobs and I've got hips and I've pretty much always had them. So when I'm clothes shopping if I find anything that is truly vintage I begin to salivate and desperately pray that I might be able to fit into it. I rarely fit into those clothes. Girls back in those decades were teeny. Those measurements of 36-24-36 were accurate probably until the 80s. Before the surgery my waist was 34 inches - I was more than accustomed to trying on Large & X-Large clothes. Occasionally in a good vintage shop I might find something, but more often than not, I just know that those really sweet dresses aren't going to fit me. I feel like this warrants a trip to Kensington Market in Toronto to see if I might now be able to get into those dresses.
I have dreams of vintage clothing shops. Seriously. I dream of a specific shop that has candy-coloured dresses as far as the eye can see. I pretty much dance on air when I find a good vintage dress. It truly is ridiculous how happy a confection of tulle and polyester can make me.
My energy level is much better. I've been walking every day now since the 4 week mark. I am up to about an hour and 20 minutes. It feels so good to move! However, I still have to remember that I will continue to get sore and uncomfortable. At Sweeney Todd on Wed I jumped around a bit and my tummy was not happy with me. I had to remember: No jumping! No jumping! Now that I am feeling better though, the bouncier part of my being wants to come back out. My stomach muscles cannot flex yet. I can sort of tighten them, but there's nothing strong underneath there yet. That will have to wait for the planks that I'll try to do after week 6. I've been trying some of the gentler Yoga movements on the Wii Fit, although so far all that I can really manage is the Warrior pose and the Sun Salutation. I've attempted other movements, but anything that has me balancing on one foot needs too much of my core to stabilize and my body starts to make me feel all wiggly and nervous inside. I'm sticking to the balance games. I've flown as a bird across the ocean - done Kung Fu - run the new obstacle course and had some snowball fights. After next Thursday I should be good to go for some strength training, but until then I'll be happy with my balance games and walking.
And now it's beautifully sunny and the autumn leaves are beckoning for my morning walk.
Cheers!
Heather
Now that most of the swelling has gone down, I'm recognizing that this new body of mine is substantially different than before. Yes, I still have the Ken doll-esque pubic bone and a titch of swelling above the incision, but I can now bend over and I don't have rolls of skin and fat that are nigh on impossible to mask.
I went shopping this week for jeans. Bear with me now, because this is the part where you'll hate me. I used to be a solid 12 or 14 in everything. Ever since I can remember. My Grad dress from high school was an 11. I have never been a truly petite girl. Never obese, but not a sylph-like model either. This week I bought a pair of jeans that were a size 8. I'm pretty sure the last time I was a size 8 was when I was 8. I went to a fairly chi-chi store and started trying things on - with the proviso that I didn't want anything terribly low-rise. Again, just because I can does NOT mean that I should.
They put me in a size 10 jeans. A $279 pair of size 10 jeans. I had entered the store and basically said, "Look, you may as well point me to the most expensive clothes you have in the store right now so that I can get them off my radar." And I tried on these $279 JEANS. They're JEANS! Are they sewn together with gold? Will I be able to leave them to my daughter in my will? NO - they are JEANS! But man did my ass look good in them. Was it $279 worth of good? I ain't so sure.
I then tried on a less expensive pair of chi-chi jeans (again $95 for JEANS!?!), and the gal said that the size 10 was too big. I looked at her in mystified confusion. Too big? But they were a size 10. I don't ever wear size 10s. I shook my head at her. "Oh no, that can't be right. I won't fit into an 8." Well she put her hand down the back of my waistband to show me that these pants were too big and then prodded my groin area to indicate that they also bunched in the front. Next thing I know, I'm walking out of the store having just purchased size 8 jeans. Me - voluptuous girl - the one with the boobs - wandering the streets shaking my head, unwilling to believe it. And terrified deep down that this is all just some crazy dream and I'll wake up with the elephant ear tummy once more.
So now I had these new chi-chi jeans for dress-up, but I still didn't have casual pants other than my yoga pants. So yesterday we made a trip to Peterborough to Value Village. For those of you who aren't Ontarians - Value Village is a 2nd hand clothing store. What you find there usually isn't vintage - unless you consider the 80s vintage - but it's great for finding good-quality used clothes. I got 2 pairs of casual jeans, a pair of capri jeans and casual pants - Rissa got jazz shoes and a dance dress all for under $65! Plus I found a vintage 1960s plaid wool jacket for $12.99! It's all creams and greens and yellows and oranges and it fit me!!
What you have to understand is that I was born in the wrong decade. I really should have been born in the late 1930s. I have the figure of someone who should be wearing clothes from the 50s and early 60s. I've got boobs and I've got hips and I've pretty much always had them. So when I'm clothes shopping if I find anything that is truly vintage I begin to salivate and desperately pray that I might be able to fit into it. I rarely fit into those clothes. Girls back in those decades were teeny. Those measurements of 36-24-36 were accurate probably until the 80s. Before the surgery my waist was 34 inches - I was more than accustomed to trying on Large & X-Large clothes. Occasionally in a good vintage shop I might find something, but more often than not, I just know that those really sweet dresses aren't going to fit me. I feel like this warrants a trip to Kensington Market in Toronto to see if I might now be able to get into those dresses.
I have dreams of vintage clothing shops. Seriously. I dream of a specific shop that has candy-coloured dresses as far as the eye can see. I pretty much dance on air when I find a good vintage dress. It truly is ridiculous how happy a confection of tulle and polyester can make me.
My energy level is much better. I've been walking every day now since the 4 week mark. I am up to about an hour and 20 minutes. It feels so good to move! However, I still have to remember that I will continue to get sore and uncomfortable. At Sweeney Todd on Wed I jumped around a bit and my tummy was not happy with me. I had to remember: No jumping! No jumping! Now that I am feeling better though, the bouncier part of my being wants to come back out. My stomach muscles cannot flex yet. I can sort of tighten them, but there's nothing strong underneath there yet. That will have to wait for the planks that I'll try to do after week 6. I've been trying some of the gentler Yoga movements on the Wii Fit, although so far all that I can really manage is the Warrior pose and the Sun Salutation. I've attempted other movements, but anything that has me balancing on one foot needs too much of my core to stabilize and my body starts to make me feel all wiggly and nervous inside. I'm sticking to the balance games. I've flown as a bird across the ocean - done Kung Fu - run the new obstacle course and had some snowball fights. After next Thursday I should be good to go for some strength training, but until then I'll be happy with my balance games and walking.
And now it's beautifully sunny and the autumn leaves are beckoning for my morning walk.
Cheers!
Heather
Monday, October 26, 2009
Photos for the not faint of heart
WARNING!
GRAPHIC CONTENT BELOW!
* * * * * * *
Pre-Op – Showing off my wrinkly elephant ear tummy – this is me sucking in.
Pre-Op – sucking in as much as I can.
Pre-Op Tummy – not sucking in, but not letting it all hang out either. Vanity thy name is woman!
Pre-Op side view. My 5 3/4 months pregnant look. The Doc took the 7 months pregnant Pre-Op shot. (It may or may not be added to these photos.)
1 Week Post-Op Drain obviously still in. This is the binder I keep talking about.
2 weeks Post-Op . New belly button (kind of looks like a butterfly here). New scar. Drain out. Still swollen. Scar quite thin.
2 Weeks Post-Op. Graphic representation of the scar. Nice and symmetrical though – it pays to have a Chief of Cosmetic Surgery on your team!
2 weeks Post-Op . Showing off bruises from liposuction. Drain came out on this side. Scar goes beyond the midline point of my hips.
4 1/2 weeks Post-Op. Still some swelling around pubic bone, belly button still red but less butterfly-like. Holy stomach definition Batman!
4 1/2 weeks Post-Op. Scar will remain red for 9-12 months, but after that won’t be so Frankenstein-esque. Some of my stretch marks can still be seen just above the incision.
4 1/2 weeks Post-Op. Side View.
NO PREGNANT TUMMY!! THANK YOU GRAN!
NO PREGNANT TUMMY!! THANK YOU GRAN!
32 Days Post-Op
So now that I have been basking in the glow of being able to walk and enjoy baths for a few days, I have come to realize a few things:
Don't walk as much as you think you can. There is a difference between walking one's daughter and husband to their respective schools and "Power Walking" which is my usual mode of travel. On the weekend I found that my regular power walking had me pretty much exhausted 20 minutes from home and then I had another 20 minute walk back.
Don't sit in regular chairs if you can at all help it. The first couple of days after my 4 week mark saw me sitting rather than reclining. Not the best decision on my part. Standing is actually better for me than just sitting. Today I was back to reclining while I work and I'm feeling much better.
WEAR your binder. Somewhere around the 4-week mark, you will be told that you can now wear control-top panties instead of your binder. Just because you can, doesn't necessarily mean that you should. I spent Saturday afternoon/evening wearing control-top panties and was swollen and really uncomfortable by the end of the day. That day was combined with lots of sitting in the car and sitting in a theatre to see The Toxic Avenger: Musical (loads of fun!), but yesterday I wore my binder again and it was much better. And it was better in spite of the fact that I was singing at full-strength at my Sweeney Todd rehearsal, and spent 2 1/2 hours actively building a twig roof for our outdoor play structure. (I used the reciprocating saw, drilled, measured, carried lights twigs etc.) I was sure that when I took off my binder to have my shower at day's end that I would have been swollen beyond recognition, but I wasn't. I was tired, most definitely, but not as swollen as I'd been the day before wearing the control-top panties. I am thinking about creating a control-top pantie regime. Start with an hour on and increase it daily - that sort of thing. Or sleep with it on, since most people don't tend to expend lots of energy at night.
For those interested in TOO MUCH INFORMATION ... So you were wondering when it's okay to have sex? You'll have to go by how you feel (be 100% open and honest with your partner about discomfort), but I had sex for the first time post-op last night and... it was freaking great! (HURRAY!) David was a bit scared about hurting me (he didn't) so it began rather tentatively, but I have to say that waiting a month to have sex certainly made for a REALLY satisfying experience. REALLY satisfying. (Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more!)
The Doc said when I last saw her that you really do need the full 6 weeks to recover and I'm buying it, because when I try to go about my day as if I don't have a 19 inch scar across my abdomen, I start hurting and become exhausted. I'm loving the being able to walk, but I'm not going to push really hard. A collective sound of shock can be heard from all who know me well. Thankfully I'm in the luxurious position of having day-to-day work which involves typing and lots of phone calls. I can do that from the recliner in our family room using my laundry-folding board across the armrests. I don't have to run after little kids all day, I have a spouse and child who help with the heavier housework. To do this operation without help, without a family who is 100% supportive would be terrible. For those of you considering it, make sure that you've got a support system for at least the first month. Don't be a martyr. Lean on your people. They love you and want you to be healthy.
Cheers!
Heather
Don't walk as much as you think you can. There is a difference between walking one's daughter and husband to their respective schools and "Power Walking" which is my usual mode of travel. On the weekend I found that my regular power walking had me pretty much exhausted 20 minutes from home and then I had another 20 minute walk back.
Don't sit in regular chairs if you can at all help it. The first couple of days after my 4 week mark saw me sitting rather than reclining. Not the best decision on my part. Standing is actually better for me than just sitting. Today I was back to reclining while I work and I'm feeling much better.
WEAR your binder. Somewhere around the 4-week mark, you will be told that you can now wear control-top panties instead of your binder. Just because you can, doesn't necessarily mean that you should. I spent Saturday afternoon/evening wearing control-top panties and was swollen and really uncomfortable by the end of the day. That day was combined with lots of sitting in the car and sitting in a theatre to see The Toxic Avenger: Musical (loads of fun!), but yesterday I wore my binder again and it was much better. And it was better in spite of the fact that I was singing at full-strength at my Sweeney Todd rehearsal, and spent 2 1/2 hours actively building a twig roof for our outdoor play structure. (I used the reciprocating saw, drilled, measured, carried lights twigs etc.) I was sure that when I took off my binder to have my shower at day's end that I would have been swollen beyond recognition, but I wasn't. I was tired, most definitely, but not as swollen as I'd been the day before wearing the control-top panties. I am thinking about creating a control-top pantie regime. Start with an hour on and increase it daily - that sort of thing. Or sleep with it on, since most people don't tend to expend lots of energy at night.
For those interested in TOO MUCH INFORMATION ... So you were wondering when it's okay to have sex? You'll have to go by how you feel (be 100% open and honest with your partner about discomfort), but I had sex for the first time post-op last night and... it was freaking great! (HURRAY!) David was a bit scared about hurting me (he didn't) so it began rather tentatively, but I have to say that waiting a month to have sex certainly made for a REALLY satisfying experience. REALLY satisfying. (Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more!)
The Doc said when I last saw her that you really do need the full 6 weeks to recover and I'm buying it, because when I try to go about my day as if I don't have a 19 inch scar across my abdomen, I start hurting and become exhausted. I'm loving the being able to walk, but I'm not going to push really hard. A collective sound of shock can be heard from all who know me well. Thankfully I'm in the luxurious position of having day-to-day work which involves typing and lots of phone calls. I can do that from the recliner in our family room using my laundry-folding board across the armrests. I don't have to run after little kids all day, I have a spouse and child who help with the heavier housework. To do this operation without help, without a family who is 100% supportive would be terrible. For those of you considering it, make sure that you've got a support system for at least the first month. Don't be a martyr. Lean on your people. They love you and want you to be healthy.
Cheers!
Heather
Thursday, October 22, 2009
4 Weeks Post-Op
I was allowed to walk this morning! I walked Rissa to school with David and then walked David to the corner before heading home. If I had been allowed to skip all the way home in joy I would have.
Saw the Doc two days ago and she was very happy with my progress. She took out the last few undissolved stitches from my incision and belly button. The swelling above and below the incision is not terrible - although my pubic bone still has a bit of a Ken Doll look to it.
I finally gave her a thank you card. She had been wondering if she would get one seeing as the nurses and the anesthesiologist had received theirs at least a week ago. I explained that I hadn't been thankful until the night before so I didn't want to be dishonest. She laughed out loud and said that this card would be more heartfelt then.
I am finally allowed to walk. I am allowed to bathe. I am allowed to do Balance games on the Wii Fit. (I didn't share the fact that I might have slipped a couple Table Tilt games in here and there over the last month.) I am allowed to wear control top panties instead of the binder. I am NEVER allowed to do sit-ups again. Instead after the 6 week mark, I should do planks - for those of you who don't know what a plank is... You get on your elbows or hands and hold your feet behind you like for a push-up and you hold it for as long as you can - starting very small is a good thing for these. I shouldn't be jumping for a bit - so no raves for me for awhile.
But walking? Oh, to walk again more than just around the block? It was Heaven this morning. Pure Heaven. I did 10 minutes of games and a very slight half-moon and warrior pose in Yoga. And then I put an ice pack on my tummy. I will continue to do that sporadically throughout the day because it seemed to help last week so much.
So the night before I went in for my check up, I was getting ready for bed. I was pulling on the cotton tube (from the cut-off men's tank top) that I wear underneath the binder to make it more comfy and it was around my hips (covering the scar) when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Not having the scar visually screaming at me allowed me to see what my stomach and waist now look like. And they look good. Really good. So I looked up and said my first "Thank you Gran!" and truly meant it. In her memory, I wore my Gran's necklace to my appointment with the Doc. Several people commented on it. It has a gold chain and 7 white gold, yellow gold and amber gold tear-drops attached to it - one for each of her grandchildren and great- grandchildren. It had been a gift from my parents to her on her 90th birthday.
After my appointment, I had an afternoon visit with a good friend I hadn't seen since June and I got to experience her special brand of hug which is one of the best I have enjoyed in my life. Spent the night with two other friends and their son which was great. The next morning I shopped at Zellers for control-top panties. Because of course, I had left the 4 pairs of control-top panties that I already own, at home. I changed into the black pair of large panties and went to meet another friend for lunch. My period was kind enough to start the night before so I had to stock up on pads and tampons and on the drive over to meet my friend I was cramping like crazy and feeling a little bruised and unsupported wearing the control-top panties. I got to his place and changed into the Medium panties and felt a little better, but was pretty exhausted from my adventures over the past 24 hours. I'd walked a couple of times the day before and had been sitting, not reclining when visiting with friends. I was supposed to stay in town to speak about my surrogacy experiences for a group of Daddies and Papas 2 Be for the 519 Community Centre in Toronto. The reason I had stayed overnight was to be part of the panel. The prospect of finding a way to keep myself occupied and NOT being able to lie down for 6 hours was more than I could handle. I called to cancel that evening's event and drove home early, feeling guilty, but recognizing that I needed to rest. I hit traffic on my way out of Toronto so the drove home took 2 hours instead of an hour and a quarter. I kept praying for constant driving instead of the stopping and starting. We have a standard and my right leg was killing me - once I could use the cruise control it made it a lot easier. Apparently, my pansy-assed, un-exercised body gets sore from driving now.
I was all excited to get home and surprise David and Rissa. I arrived and the house was empty but for cats, who although happy to see me, weren't quite the reception I had been hoping for. I knew that David was supposed to be giving blood after school that day, so drove to the Community Centre where the blood donor clinic was, but they had already left. I didn't see them on the drive home - so checked my email and logged onto Facebook before they got home. They were very happy to have me home early and I got lots of hugs and kisses from Rissa. I enjoyed my first bath since the operation - nice and hot and it felt SO good. Before putting my binder on (I'd decided that maybe I might just wear it a bit more for support) I tried on some of my bikini panties that I haven't worn for four and a half years. I said some more heartfelt "Thank you Gran!"s before snuggling in front of Big Bang Theory with my amazing daughter and husband. Everyone went to bed early and I woke with more energy than I have experienced since the operation.
Today I am planning on some heavy-duty writing and I am reclining while listening to some Bowie. It's a good day!
Cheers!
Heather
Saw the Doc two days ago and she was very happy with my progress. She took out the last few undissolved stitches from my incision and belly button. The swelling above and below the incision is not terrible - although my pubic bone still has a bit of a Ken Doll look to it.
I finally gave her a thank you card. She had been wondering if she would get one seeing as the nurses and the anesthesiologist had received theirs at least a week ago. I explained that I hadn't been thankful until the night before so I didn't want to be dishonest. She laughed out loud and said that this card would be more heartfelt then.
I am finally allowed to walk. I am allowed to bathe. I am allowed to do Balance games on the Wii Fit. (I didn't share the fact that I might have slipped a couple Table Tilt games in here and there over the last month.) I am allowed to wear control top panties instead of the binder. I am NEVER allowed to do sit-ups again. Instead after the 6 week mark, I should do planks - for those of you who don't know what a plank is... You get on your elbows or hands and hold your feet behind you like for a push-up and you hold it for as long as you can - starting very small is a good thing for these. I shouldn't be jumping for a bit - so no raves for me for awhile.
But walking? Oh, to walk again more than just around the block? It was Heaven this morning. Pure Heaven. I did 10 minutes of games and a very slight half-moon and warrior pose in Yoga. And then I put an ice pack on my tummy. I will continue to do that sporadically throughout the day because it seemed to help last week so much.
So the night before I went in for my check up, I was getting ready for bed. I was pulling on the cotton tube (from the cut-off men's tank top) that I wear underneath the binder to make it more comfy and it was around my hips (covering the scar) when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Not having the scar visually screaming at me allowed me to see what my stomach and waist now look like. And they look good. Really good. So I looked up and said my first "Thank you Gran!" and truly meant it. In her memory, I wore my Gran's necklace to my appointment with the Doc. Several people commented on it. It has a gold chain and 7 white gold, yellow gold and amber gold tear-drops attached to it - one for each of her grandchildren and great- grandchildren. It had been a gift from my parents to her on her 90th birthday.
After my appointment, I had an afternoon visit with a good friend I hadn't seen since June and I got to experience her special brand of hug which is one of the best I have enjoyed in my life. Spent the night with two other friends and their son which was great. The next morning I shopped at Zellers for control-top panties. Because of course, I had left the 4 pairs of control-top panties that I already own, at home. I changed into the black pair of large panties and went to meet another friend for lunch. My period was kind enough to start the night before so I had to stock up on pads and tampons and on the drive over to meet my friend I was cramping like crazy and feeling a little bruised and unsupported wearing the control-top panties. I got to his place and changed into the Medium panties and felt a little better, but was pretty exhausted from my adventures over the past 24 hours. I'd walked a couple of times the day before and had been sitting, not reclining when visiting with friends. I was supposed to stay in town to speak about my surrogacy experiences for a group of Daddies and Papas 2 Be for the 519 Community Centre in Toronto. The reason I had stayed overnight was to be part of the panel. The prospect of finding a way to keep myself occupied and NOT being able to lie down for 6 hours was more than I could handle. I called to cancel that evening's event and drove home early, feeling guilty, but recognizing that I needed to rest. I hit traffic on my way out of Toronto so the drove home took 2 hours instead of an hour and a quarter. I kept praying for constant driving instead of the stopping and starting. We have a standard and my right leg was killing me - once I could use the cruise control it made it a lot easier. Apparently, my pansy-assed, un-exercised body gets sore from driving now.
I was all excited to get home and surprise David and Rissa. I arrived and the house was empty but for cats, who although happy to see me, weren't quite the reception I had been hoping for. I knew that David was supposed to be giving blood after school that day, so drove to the Community Centre where the blood donor clinic was, but they had already left. I didn't see them on the drive home - so checked my email and logged onto Facebook before they got home. They were very happy to have me home early and I got lots of hugs and kisses from Rissa. I enjoyed my first bath since the operation - nice and hot and it felt SO good. Before putting my binder on (I'd decided that maybe I might just wear it a bit more for support) I tried on some of my bikini panties that I haven't worn for four and a half years. I said some more heartfelt "Thank you Gran!"s before snuggling in front of Big Bang Theory with my amazing daughter and husband. Everyone went to bed early and I woke with more energy than I have experienced since the operation.
Today I am planning on some heavy-duty writing and I am reclining while listening to some Bowie. It's a good day!
Cheers!
Heather
Thursday, October 15, 2009
21 Days Post Op
I have made it to the three week mark. Before I actually blog I want to put some good vibes out there for Andrea Ross - Andrea you are healthy in body, mind and spirit!
I remain relatively sane (apart from the wanting to cry over spilled yogurt earlier in the week) and in next to no pain now. Sneezing is now manageable. I've really been taking it easy this week so that I don't balloon up with fluid. You'd think that with all this dedicated sitting on my ass time I'd have finished one of the novels I'm working on. I haven't. I'm procrastinating in a major way. I'm not sure why. I just find it so much easier to play Scramble on Facebook and do the music trainer programs that I found online. There's this incredibly cool site where you can test yourself on keys, notes and keyboard knowledge. http://www.8notes.com/games/I've been spending lots (and I mean LOTS) of time on it since its discovery. I am determined to teach myself how to read music. Well, with the help of David who can actually read music. I'm pretty good at the treble and bass clefs, but my brain does turn to mush after doing it for awhile. You're probably not supposed to do it for over an hour at a time. See? Major procrastination.
Went to my second rehearsal for Sweeney Todd last night. Nice to be able to sing without straining my stomach muscles. Did some minor blocking and bugged out early. The Beggar Woman doesn't do much other than skulk around - figured out my blocking and walked home in the nice cool October air. It's so nice to be able to stand up tall once more - not quite at the point where I can arch my back, but it's so much better than it was!
The Neo Citrin and sleeping pills alternated with the Neo Citrin and valerian have been helping me deal with my cold and sleeplessness. Last night I tried for the first time to sleep on my back sans wedge pillow with just two pillows under my knees. Fell asleep just fine, but the pillows shifted and my back and stomach were a bit sore this morning. I'm going to try tying the pillows together for tonight so that they'll stay put.
Today I've been using an icepack on top of the binder. I don't know if it's doing any good, but it sure feels nice. I mean, I'm just sitting here, I may as well multi-task while typing.
I really need to wash the binder. There's a bit of a conundrum though. I can't dry it in the dryer, so that means that I'm relegated to the wearing of control top panties while it dries and the elasticity of all of those types of panties isn't anywhere close to the firm elasticity of the binder. Maybe if I wash the binder right before bed one night and leave it to dry on the radiator while I just sleep in the panties? Maybe if wear two pairs of those panties? This is what I have been reduced to - pantie talk. Yeesh. I have to say that I'm looking forward to the days (in 3 short weeks) when I'll be able to wear regular underwear. This isn't unlike those last few weeks of pregnancy - the waiting. I'm waiting to see what the Doc will say on Tuesday. I'm waiting to wear regular panties. I'm waiting to do sit ups. I'm waiting for my scar to heal, for my belly button stitches to properly dissolve.
What a luxurious position I'm in. I'm allowed to watch tv and read and blog all day if I want - I need a perspective shift. I'm doing what needs to be done for me right now. The more I stick to what I should be doing, the less time the healing will take. Other people have so much worse shit to be dealing with. It's time to get a grip and suck it up. If this is the most terrible thing to be troubling me? I've got a pretty freaking good life. It's good to remember that.
Okay, before I forget... I was reading another person's blog about her tummy tuck. This girl is now planning on getting pregnant. It is strongly recommended that you should NEVER have a tummy tuck if you are planning to get pregnant after that - all that recuperation will have been for naught. I guess if you've got unlimited funds and you don't mind having to go through this sort of painful thing all over again, but really? This sort of operation is for when you have FINISHED having kids - or you never plan on having them. Why would anyone ever do this twice? I guess if you happen to have an OB and a plastic surgeon in the family you could have a c-section/tummy tuck at the same time the second time around, but... nuh-unh once is definitely enough for me.
Cheers!
Heather
I remain relatively sane (apart from the wanting to cry over spilled yogurt earlier in the week) and in next to no pain now. Sneezing is now manageable. I've really been taking it easy this week so that I don't balloon up with fluid. You'd think that with all this dedicated sitting on my ass time I'd have finished one of the novels I'm working on. I haven't. I'm procrastinating in a major way. I'm not sure why. I just find it so much easier to play Scramble on Facebook and do the music trainer programs that I found online. There's this incredibly cool site where you can test yourself on keys, notes and keyboard knowledge. http://www.8notes.com/games/I've been spending lots (and I mean LOTS) of time on it since its discovery. I am determined to teach myself how to read music. Well, with the help of David who can actually read music. I'm pretty good at the treble and bass clefs, but my brain does turn to mush after doing it for awhile. You're probably not supposed to do it for over an hour at a time. See? Major procrastination.
Went to my second rehearsal for Sweeney Todd last night. Nice to be able to sing without straining my stomach muscles. Did some minor blocking and bugged out early. The Beggar Woman doesn't do much other than skulk around - figured out my blocking and walked home in the nice cool October air. It's so nice to be able to stand up tall once more - not quite at the point where I can arch my back, but it's so much better than it was!
The Neo Citrin and sleeping pills alternated with the Neo Citrin and valerian have been helping me deal with my cold and sleeplessness. Last night I tried for the first time to sleep on my back sans wedge pillow with just two pillows under my knees. Fell asleep just fine, but the pillows shifted and my back and stomach were a bit sore this morning. I'm going to try tying the pillows together for tonight so that they'll stay put.
Today I've been using an icepack on top of the binder. I don't know if it's doing any good, but it sure feels nice. I mean, I'm just sitting here, I may as well multi-task while typing.
I really need to wash the binder. There's a bit of a conundrum though. I can't dry it in the dryer, so that means that I'm relegated to the wearing of control top panties while it dries and the elasticity of all of those types of panties isn't anywhere close to the firm elasticity of the binder. Maybe if I wash the binder right before bed one night and leave it to dry on the radiator while I just sleep in the panties? Maybe if wear two pairs of those panties? This is what I have been reduced to - pantie talk. Yeesh. I have to say that I'm looking forward to the days (in 3 short weeks) when I'll be able to wear regular underwear. This isn't unlike those last few weeks of pregnancy - the waiting. I'm waiting to see what the Doc will say on Tuesday. I'm waiting to wear regular panties. I'm waiting to do sit ups. I'm waiting for my scar to heal, for my belly button stitches to properly dissolve.
What a luxurious position I'm in. I'm allowed to watch tv and read and blog all day if I want - I need a perspective shift. I'm doing what needs to be done for me right now. The more I stick to what I should be doing, the less time the healing will take. Other people have so much worse shit to be dealing with. It's time to get a grip and suck it up. If this is the most terrible thing to be troubling me? I've got a pretty freaking good life. It's good to remember that.
Okay, before I forget... I was reading another person's blog about her tummy tuck. This girl is now planning on getting pregnant. It is strongly recommended that you should NEVER have a tummy tuck if you are planning to get pregnant after that - all that recuperation will have been for naught. I guess if you've got unlimited funds and you don't mind having to go through this sort of painful thing all over again, but really? This sort of operation is for when you have FINISHED having kids - or you never plan on having them. Why would anyone ever do this twice? I guess if you happen to have an OB and a plastic surgeon in the family you could have a c-section/tummy tuck at the same time the second time around, but... nuh-unh once is definitely enough for me.
Cheers!
Heather
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
19 Days Post Op
Yesterday I was feeling pretty darned good and went for a walk with David all the way down to the marina and back. Then last night I went out for a girls' night to see Whip It (excellent film I've decided that my roller derby name will be Red Zeppelin) with some friends. Sitting mostly straight up wasn't too bad. When I got home last night I decided to take a gander at my tummy and noticed that right above my incision my skin wasn't as tight and was a little warm to the touch. When I showed David he poked around a bit to feel the difference at my midline and around my hips and said "Yeah, you seem more swollen here." Then he gave me his best "What have I been telling you?" look. (A look that I have seen many times during the course of this recovery - three times this morning alone.)
It was agreed (he ordered me) that I would call the Doc this morning and ask what I should do - I had a sneaky suspicion that I might need to be aspirated. I walked 4 blocks towards Rissa's school today whereupon I acquiesced and turned around to come home. I started the laundry that David had brought down for me. This process involved a lot of squatting up and down so that I wasn't carrying lots of clothing weight in my arms, which probably isn't good for me either. (It's only laundry for heaven's sake!)
At 9:02 a.m. I called the Doc's office and spoke to Jane (the receptionist) and gave her my symptoms and HURRAH! she said that it was normal and not to worry. She recommended that I take it easy and that I have the binder as tight as I can stand it so that what fluid is there can be reabsorbed. I have an appointment for next Tuesday, but if anything changes - if I'm in pain or it gets red or I have a fever I should call immediately. So that's good news. She did reiterate that I should limit my activity until then.
Okay, may I just say that I may go squirrely before the 4-week mark? I am not a sitter-downer, a lounger or a recliner. I like to move and now that my energy level is better I'm having a hard time with the little to no movement orders. I understand that my body is still healing and that I need to give it time and I wouldn't be so upset if my lack of exercise wasn't affecting my sleep. This morning I did not have my one coffee so that there wouldn't be any extra caffeine in my system - which I hope might help me when it comes time to turn the lights off. I had to take 2 Valerian last night and it still took awhile for me to fall asleep. David's going to source some more non-prescription sleeping aids for me after school today.
My mid-morning snack almost made me lose it. I had a bowl of granola and yogurt on the shelf that I am using as a table on the recliner, and as I was moving it to the side so that I could lower myself into the recliner it tipped over and there was granola and yogurt all over the carpet in the family room. ALL OVER. And I'm NOT supposed to vacuum. So the granola is still all over the carpet. I did grab a cloth to wipe up the yogurt, but I'll bet there's still some yogurt lurking in there, just waiting to get smelly. And I'm not allowed to clean it. And that makes me a little cuckoo. Because I feel like I'm okay, I'm not exhausted, it doesn't hurt to get up - there's only moderate discomfort when I sneeze now - and really, I think that I am doing pretty darned well except for this little squooshy bit of stomach - I swear that it's only about an inch wide by six inches long - it could be so much worse... and I feel like I can handle doing a half hour's walk and I know that it would help me sleep, but I'm NOT SUPPOSED TO!
So now that I have done my best impression of a peevish sheep I shall now talk about what is really good... This morning I was able to lie on my side for more than 5 minutes! I got to snuggle with David, actually spoon with him this morning and that was pretty freaking awesome I have to say. And because I'm not supposed to do anything active, perhaps I can practice the lying on my side as my exercise for the next week and a half until I get to the 4-week mark. And maybe David might even be able to spoon me (I don't even mean that as a euphemism - I really just want to spoon) and that would be the absolutely best!
Cheers!
Heather
It was agreed (he ordered me) that I would call the Doc this morning and ask what I should do - I had a sneaky suspicion that I might need to be aspirated. I walked 4 blocks towards Rissa's school today whereupon I acquiesced and turned around to come home. I started the laundry that David had brought down for me. This process involved a lot of squatting up and down so that I wasn't carrying lots of clothing weight in my arms, which probably isn't good for me either. (It's only laundry for heaven's sake!)
At 9:02 a.m. I called the Doc's office and spoke to Jane (the receptionist) and gave her my symptoms and HURRAH! she said that it was normal and not to worry. She recommended that I take it easy and that I have the binder as tight as I can stand it so that what fluid is there can be reabsorbed. I have an appointment for next Tuesday, but if anything changes - if I'm in pain or it gets red or I have a fever I should call immediately. So that's good news. She did reiterate that I should limit my activity until then.
Okay, may I just say that I may go squirrely before the 4-week mark? I am not a sitter-downer, a lounger or a recliner. I like to move and now that my energy level is better I'm having a hard time with the little to no movement orders. I understand that my body is still healing and that I need to give it time and I wouldn't be so upset if my lack of exercise wasn't affecting my sleep. This morning I did not have my one coffee so that there wouldn't be any extra caffeine in my system - which I hope might help me when it comes time to turn the lights off. I had to take 2 Valerian last night and it still took awhile for me to fall asleep. David's going to source some more non-prescription sleeping aids for me after school today.
My mid-morning snack almost made me lose it. I had a bowl of granola and yogurt on the shelf that I am using as a table on the recliner, and as I was moving it to the side so that I could lower myself into the recliner it tipped over and there was granola and yogurt all over the carpet in the family room. ALL OVER. And I'm NOT supposed to vacuum. So the granola is still all over the carpet. I did grab a cloth to wipe up the yogurt, but I'll bet there's still some yogurt lurking in there, just waiting to get smelly. And I'm not allowed to clean it. And that makes me a little cuckoo. Because I feel like I'm okay, I'm not exhausted, it doesn't hurt to get up - there's only moderate discomfort when I sneeze now - and really, I think that I am doing pretty darned well except for this little squooshy bit of stomach - I swear that it's only about an inch wide by six inches long - it could be so much worse... and I feel like I can handle doing a half hour's walk and I know that it would help me sleep, but I'm NOT SUPPOSED TO!
So now that I have done my best impression of a peevish sheep I shall now talk about what is really good... This morning I was able to lie on my side for more than 5 minutes! I got to snuggle with David, actually spoon with him this morning and that was pretty freaking awesome I have to say. And because I'm not supposed to do anything active, perhaps I can practice the lying on my side as my exercise for the next week and a half until I get to the 4-week mark. And maybe David might even be able to spoon me (I don't even mean that as a euphemism - I really just want to spoon) and that would be the absolutely best!
Cheers!
Heather
Sunday, October 11, 2009
17 Days Post Op
Wonderful Thanksgiving dinner yesterday - I am a spoiled rotten bunny whose mother is one of the best cooks in the galaxy.
Today I enjoyed another shower and I am pleased to report that my stomach is not quite as numb. I was able to wash my own incision and belly button with only moderate grossing out. My body continues to be bruised both above and below the incision line. This is to be expected, from all reports. The incision is red and angry looking. And why wouldn't it be? That's a lot of skin to be stitched together no wonder it shouts "GRRRRRR!"
I remain quite impressed with how small the actual scar is. By that I mean its width, not the 19 inch length. I have many scars on my body. I was a terribly accident prone child. In my scarring I have varying degrees of attractiveness. The scar on my chin from when I split my chin open is very fine (maybe 2 mm), the one on my ankle from when I fell through the glass table is wider (maybe 6-7 mm). I was kind of expecting this scar to resemble more the 4-5 mm, but right now it looks fairly tight and in the 2 mm mark.
Another thing that I've noticed now that I'm not overly creeped out by looking at my body, is that the scar itself stretches across the entire front of my body to pretty much the midline of my hips. From the side view you will definitely notice the tail ends of the scar wending their way across my body. As I had a lot of extra skin and tissue in the front the Doc probably had to cut a little wider so that I wouldn't end up with pleats in my stitches. It will apparently take several months (maybe as many as 6-9) before the scar will flatten out and become less noticeable.
After my first pregnancy when I gained 50 lbs, it took me 4 years to truly get back into shape. Four long years at varying degrees of exercising and healthful eating. I remember when I did finally get back down to my regular weight (which is probably around 150 lbs) that people would ask me "How did you do it? Are you doing Atkins? No carbs?" They were invariably stunned when I would say "I'm eating sensibly and exercising more."
There are no quick fixes to anything. There is no magic pill, no one exercise you can do. You can't lose fat in one spot. It all takes time if you're going to maintain your body and health afterward. This is no different. I will still have months of recuperation from this. Possibly a year before I'm completely happy with the results. Yes, with the operation I immediately lost approximately 3 lbs of skin and tissue but this stomach will take months to heal.
I was always a girl who would suck in. Always. I spent YEARS sucking in. I blame it on the spring that I stole money from my parents (and any visiting relative) when I was 11. I stole money and because I couldn't purchase anything with it to actually HAVE as a souvenir, I went to the Tasty Twirl on the main street and I had ice cream. Every day. For around 8 weeks. And that is officially when I began to have issues with my weight. Crime does not pay. At some point around that time I stopped listening to my internal voice that told me when I was full. Possibly through an addiction to the fat and sugar in all those soft ice cream cones that I ingested, or maybe just laziness. Interestingly enough I think it was that summer too when I started to suffer from bouts of depression.
It always amazes me that Rissa can have a piece of cake in front of her - a piece of decadent chocolate cake with delectable icing slathered all over it and she can have 2 bites and be done. She is still listening to her body. She's 9. I've had to relearn that instinct. Having been brought up in the generation of "Clean your plate, or you don't get dessert," I am quite accustomed to eating everything in my sight. As a mother it gets worse because you inevitably finish what is on your child's plate as well so that the food is not wasted. For the past several months I've been trying to listen to that internal voice letting me know that I am done, that I no longer need to fill my stomach. It's called mindful eating. If I want to ensure that this stomach that I have bought and paid for does not morph back into something that I am ashamed of, I have to pay attention. I have to be proactive. I have to be present and listen to my body.
I started having dizzy spells when I was 14 years old. Hypo Glycemia was bandied about, but I have never been officially diagnosed as having the condition. Only last year did I acknowledge that when I eat foods that are bad for me, I pay a price. I had known that for me sugar was not good. I had known simple carbohydrates were not good. Yet, I continued to eat them and always suffered for it.
I now know some things: To maintain my blood sugar, I need to snack throughout the day. Just little bits of food - some protein with some carbohydrates, not more than 200 calories, but if I don't snack, I either get completely loopy or feel nauseated. I can't have caffeine after noon. If I do, I can't sleep at night. Not sleeping at night affects me to such an extent that I had to make a change and I now avoid caffeine. I know that I can get drunk on a caramel sundae by the third swallow. Now every once in a while, I'm still choosing to have that caramel sundae - but I am choosing that and I fully recognize that when I make that choice I'm pretty much out of commission after I do.
You hit your late 30s and early 40s and you have to take stock. Do you want to be that 60 year old who can't move because of arthritis and bursitis and rheumatism? Do you want to have problems with cholesterol? Do you want to be that statistical 52 year old who dies of a heart attack? I decided that I didn't. I want to be that 85 year old who people marvel at - like my own Granny who is 101 now. I want to remain active and still be walking my 5-10 k in a morning. I want to devour LIFE - not food.
Whoa. That was quite a tangent, wasn't it? Not a lot of that had to do with the tummy tuck. But it had to do with choices. I made a choice to have a tummy tuck, and it's just one of the choices that I have made and will continue to make to keep myself healthy.
Cheers!
Heather
Today I enjoyed another shower and I am pleased to report that my stomach is not quite as numb. I was able to wash my own incision and belly button with only moderate grossing out. My body continues to be bruised both above and below the incision line. This is to be expected, from all reports. The incision is red and angry looking. And why wouldn't it be? That's a lot of skin to be stitched together no wonder it shouts "GRRRRRR!"
I remain quite impressed with how small the actual scar is. By that I mean its width, not the 19 inch length. I have many scars on my body. I was a terribly accident prone child. In my scarring I have varying degrees of attractiveness. The scar on my chin from when I split my chin open is very fine (maybe 2 mm), the one on my ankle from when I fell through the glass table is wider (maybe 6-7 mm). I was kind of expecting this scar to resemble more the 4-5 mm, but right now it looks fairly tight and in the 2 mm mark.
Another thing that I've noticed now that I'm not overly creeped out by looking at my body, is that the scar itself stretches across the entire front of my body to pretty much the midline of my hips. From the side view you will definitely notice the tail ends of the scar wending their way across my body. As I had a lot of extra skin and tissue in the front the Doc probably had to cut a little wider so that I wouldn't end up with pleats in my stitches. It will apparently take several months (maybe as many as 6-9) before the scar will flatten out and become less noticeable.
After my first pregnancy when I gained 50 lbs, it took me 4 years to truly get back into shape. Four long years at varying degrees of exercising and healthful eating. I remember when I did finally get back down to my regular weight (which is probably around 150 lbs) that people would ask me "How did you do it? Are you doing Atkins? No carbs?" They were invariably stunned when I would say "I'm eating sensibly and exercising more."
There are no quick fixes to anything. There is no magic pill, no one exercise you can do. You can't lose fat in one spot. It all takes time if you're going to maintain your body and health afterward. This is no different. I will still have months of recuperation from this. Possibly a year before I'm completely happy with the results. Yes, with the operation I immediately lost approximately 3 lbs of skin and tissue but this stomach will take months to heal.
I was always a girl who would suck in. Always. I spent YEARS sucking in. I blame it on the spring that I stole money from my parents (and any visiting relative) when I was 11. I stole money and because I couldn't purchase anything with it to actually HAVE as a souvenir, I went to the Tasty Twirl on the main street and I had ice cream. Every day. For around 8 weeks. And that is officially when I began to have issues with my weight. Crime does not pay. At some point around that time I stopped listening to my internal voice that told me when I was full. Possibly through an addiction to the fat and sugar in all those soft ice cream cones that I ingested, or maybe just laziness. Interestingly enough I think it was that summer too when I started to suffer from bouts of depression.
It always amazes me that Rissa can have a piece of cake in front of her - a piece of decadent chocolate cake with delectable icing slathered all over it and she can have 2 bites and be done. She is still listening to her body. She's 9. I've had to relearn that instinct. Having been brought up in the generation of "Clean your plate, or you don't get dessert," I am quite accustomed to eating everything in my sight. As a mother it gets worse because you inevitably finish what is on your child's plate as well so that the food is not wasted. For the past several months I've been trying to listen to that internal voice letting me know that I am done, that I no longer need to fill my stomach. It's called mindful eating. If I want to ensure that this stomach that I have bought and paid for does not morph back into something that I am ashamed of, I have to pay attention. I have to be proactive. I have to be present and listen to my body.
I started having dizzy spells when I was 14 years old. Hypo Glycemia was bandied about, but I have never been officially diagnosed as having the condition. Only last year did I acknowledge that when I eat foods that are bad for me, I pay a price. I had known that for me sugar was not good. I had known simple carbohydrates were not good. Yet, I continued to eat them and always suffered for it.
I now know some things: To maintain my blood sugar, I need to snack throughout the day. Just little bits of food - some protein with some carbohydrates, not more than 200 calories, but if I don't snack, I either get completely loopy or feel nauseated. I can't have caffeine after noon. If I do, I can't sleep at night. Not sleeping at night affects me to such an extent that I had to make a change and I now avoid caffeine. I know that I can get drunk on a caramel sundae by the third swallow. Now every once in a while, I'm still choosing to have that caramel sundae - but I am choosing that and I fully recognize that when I make that choice I'm pretty much out of commission after I do.
You hit your late 30s and early 40s and you have to take stock. Do you want to be that 60 year old who can't move because of arthritis and bursitis and rheumatism? Do you want to have problems with cholesterol? Do you want to be that statistical 52 year old who dies of a heart attack? I decided that I didn't. I want to be that 85 year old who people marvel at - like my own Granny who is 101 now. I want to remain active and still be walking my 5-10 k in a morning. I want to devour LIFE - not food.
Whoa. That was quite a tangent, wasn't it? Not a lot of that had to do with the tummy tuck. But it had to do with choices. I made a choice to have a tummy tuck, and it's just one of the choices that I have made and will continue to make to keep myself healthy.
Cheers!
Heather
Saturday, October 10, 2009
16 Days Post Op
I am almost standing completely straight! Or at least to an outside viewer that's what it looks like. Numbness in the tummy continues to freak me out, but this standing up straighter thing is pretty freakin' great! I can't arch my back yet and last night I woke in some discomfort due to my shifting position in bed. We brought the wedge pillows with us to my parents' house, but sometime in the night my back skootched down and my knees becamse flatter and then my tummy started saying "Hey! Hey you there, sleeping - I'm not ready for this much flatness in bed! Skootch the ?!&^# up!" By that time it was 6:52 and I could hear my Mom downstairs making the coffee so I couldn't get back to sleep - I might miss something. Every visit to my parents' place seems like Christmas. I've gotta say that enjoying time spent with relatives is a beautiful thing!! And I'm lucky in that regard on SO many levels!
Double checked with David and he thinks that some of the swelling has gone down, but I definitely remain swollen both above and below the incision. I got him to push against my pubic bone today and he confirmed that it has more, uh, padding there then it usually has. How many other husbands out there do this for their wives? As soon as I am physically able, this man is going to... well let's just say I hope to make him happy in MANY ways.
Yesterday I did try to take it easy. I truncated my morning walk, I tried not to get up and down so much, except that I kept forgetting to have stuff on the table next to my recliner. I forgot the phone and had to get up for it. I forgot the remote and had to get up for it. I forgot my glasses, my water and arnica pellets. (All at different times.) Maybe some of my brain was sucked out in the drain too? Babysat a miniatrue schnauzer named Ziggy yesterday who was terrorized by Colby but then in turn terrorized Minuit - so I guess the circle of life is alive and well in our home. I wrote 2 pages in my vampire novel - I think that watching True Blood has been helpful - of course it's all research ;-)
We travelled the 2 1/4 hours to my parents' place last night after Rissa's dance classes. In spite of being able to recline in the front seat, not have my knees up made the journey a bit difficult. I could really feel my tummy by the time we got to my parents' house. I showed off my battle scars and Mom was impressed with how much I had improved in the last week - so that's good.
Today we will be preparing the Thanksgiving dinner - I'm making my sweet potato casserole - which is about the best thing ever. It's so yummy that I frequently eat the leftovers for breakfast . You take 3-4 cups of mashed sweet potatoes, 1/4 c butter/ margarine (I use less) some white sugar (1/3 cup or less), 2 eggs, some vanilla, 1/2 tsp of nutmeg and 1/2 tsp cinnamon, pinch of salt. Top it with a mixture of 1/4 c butter (I use less) , 1/4 c flour and 1/2 cup of brown sugar (I use less) - I add in another 1/2 cup of ground pecans as well for protein and you bake it for 30 minutes at 350. It is to die for and I'm sure realtively good for you because of all of the anti-oxidents in the sweet potatoes. Happy Thanksgiving!
Cheers!
Heather
Double checked with David and he thinks that some of the swelling has gone down, but I definitely remain swollen both above and below the incision. I got him to push against my pubic bone today and he confirmed that it has more, uh, padding there then it usually has. How many other husbands out there do this for their wives? As soon as I am physically able, this man is going to... well let's just say I hope to make him happy in MANY ways.
Yesterday I did try to take it easy. I truncated my morning walk, I tried not to get up and down so much, except that I kept forgetting to have stuff on the table next to my recliner. I forgot the phone and had to get up for it. I forgot the remote and had to get up for it. I forgot my glasses, my water and arnica pellets. (All at different times.) Maybe some of my brain was sucked out in the drain too? Babysat a miniatrue schnauzer named Ziggy yesterday who was terrorized by Colby but then in turn terrorized Minuit - so I guess the circle of life is alive and well in our home. I wrote 2 pages in my vampire novel - I think that watching True Blood has been helpful - of course it's all research ;-)
We travelled the 2 1/4 hours to my parents' place last night after Rissa's dance classes. In spite of being able to recline in the front seat, not have my knees up made the journey a bit difficult. I could really feel my tummy by the time we got to my parents' house. I showed off my battle scars and Mom was impressed with how much I had improved in the last week - so that's good.
Today we will be preparing the Thanksgiving dinner - I'm making my sweet potato casserole - which is about the best thing ever. It's so yummy that I frequently eat the leftovers for breakfast . You take 3-4 cups of mashed sweet potatoes, 1/4 c butter/ margarine (I use less) some white sugar (1/3 cup or less), 2 eggs, some vanilla, 1/2 tsp of nutmeg and 1/2 tsp cinnamon, pinch of salt. Top it with a mixture of 1/4 c butter (I use less) , 1/4 c flour and 1/2 cup of brown sugar (I use less) - I add in another 1/2 cup of ground pecans as well for protein and you bake it for 30 minutes at 350. It is to die for and I'm sure realtively good for you because of all of the anti-oxidents in the sweet potatoes. Happy Thanksgiving!
Cheers!
Heather
Thursday, October 8, 2009
14 Days Post Op
I just stepped from my first shower. Bliss! Unadulterated warm watered bliss! Amidst the unadulterated warm watered bliss I had a minor, (okay, major) case of the ICKS. Had not realized the extent to which my stomach was numb. I mean, it's REALLY numb. I was reaching down to wash my belly button as instructed by the Doc and I can't feel my belly button. I'm touching my own body and I can't feel it. It's giving me the heebie jeebies. David had to wash my incision and I just looked away so I would hurl my dinner on him. I don't know why it's so creepy, but it's really freakin' creepy. I can remember getting this feeling to a lesser extent with the inch long scar that I have on my ankle when I would touch it, but this? This is creeperiffic. I'm not sure, but I think that David was looking at me in both exasperation and disbelief. I might be projecting.
Rissa's pretty grossed out and definitely has that "My mother is a medical experiment gone bad" vibe going on. She has reiterated a half a dozen times since seeing the results that she will NOT be having a tummy tuck. EVER. Although she has said it is neat that I'm her own personal crash test dummy - I get to try out all the really dumb stuff so that she doesn't have to. Took pictures of the "after" - will post them soon. I'm still swollen, especially on my lower tummy and my pubic bone. I'm thinking that tonight I will put an ice pack on my pubic bone at least. There is also some swelling and minor bruising on my hips and (TMI coming up here) I think that the binder might be rubbing away some of my pubic hair. The incision is as nice as a 20 inch (I'm guessing) incision can look at 2 weeks out. It's got a little curve to it that I kind of like and should I decide to turn it into a 20 inch tattooo it could look pretty cool - I'm thinking vines... (really I'm NOT).
Last night I had my first rehearsal for Sweeney Todd where I play the role of the Beggar Woman. All I had to do was sit and sing for 2 1/2 hours. Well that and I had to climb 3 sets of stairs to get to the rehearsal hall. By the end of it I was exhausted. More exhausted than at any other point in this process. I was trying not to use my diaphragm to sing, but there's really no way that you can do that. I begged for a ride home in spite of the fact that it's only a five minute walk. You know I'm toast when I voluntarily ask for help. I crashed upon returning home and it took me a while to get up this morning.
I went for a small walk this morning and had lunch with a friend at a great Thai place in town. I took my substantial leftovers home. That's something else that has changed. Because my muscles are so tight across my stomach, I'm not eating as much now. I simply can't. I mean, not that I was a big gorger before (apart from around my period) but now a cup of soup and some crackers can really fill me up. So that's a good side effect. Also, taking multi-vitamins three times a day is wrecking havoc with my digestion - half the time I'm combatting nausea.
I think tomorrow I'm going to try not doing anything and see if that helps with the swelling. No walks around the block, no climbing stairs all day, no squatting to feed the cats... And then I'll just see. I'll see if that makes a difference with the swelling or if this is just how my recovery is supposed to be. In about 4 weeks time I have the opportunity to do a clowning workshop with my old Shakespeare company in Ottawa. According to the Doc I should be healed with no worries of hurting myself at that point - just no situps - and should be able to manage depending on my stamina. I really want to do this workshop. I haven't done any acting training in over a decade and it'd be really nice to flex those muscles once more and even better to do it with old friends. As long as I can sit down whenever I need to I should be okay I think - I'd really like to try.
Last night David gave me my first official music lesson on the piano. I've always wanted to learn to read music properly, so last night I started. A scale is this: tone, tone, semi-tone, tone, tone, tone, semi-tone. I can now tell you where all the "c" notes and "f" notes are on the piano. This morning I took some music paper and I started naming the notes on the staff. Over and over again I wrote out EGBDF and FACE. This healing process where I'm not allowed to do anything truly active? It's offering me the opportunity to do something that I've been putting off for years. Today I found a couple of web sites that have training tools that quiz you on notes and key signatures and I must have spent 2 hours testing myself. Today I learned the bass clef and the treble clef and that's pretty cool, I've got to say. And if I didn't have this medically imposed respite? I might not have ever tried this.
We're heading to my parents' place for Thanksgiving. They live 2 1/4 hours away so I'll get to tilt my seat back and recline all the way there. I have so much to be thankful for. I'm thankful to be alive. I'm thankful that my recuperation is getting better and better. I'm thankful to my surgeon who did a pretty amazing job I think - even at this early stage. I'm thankful for my amazing husband and daughter and mother and all my friends and family who have been incredibly supportive during this experience.
Cheers!
Heather
Rissa's pretty grossed out and definitely has that "My mother is a medical experiment gone bad" vibe going on. She has reiterated a half a dozen times since seeing the results that she will NOT be having a tummy tuck. EVER. Although she has said it is neat that I'm her own personal crash test dummy - I get to try out all the really dumb stuff so that she doesn't have to. Took pictures of the "after" - will post them soon. I'm still swollen, especially on my lower tummy and my pubic bone. I'm thinking that tonight I will put an ice pack on my pubic bone at least. There is also some swelling and minor bruising on my hips and (TMI coming up here) I think that the binder might be rubbing away some of my pubic hair. The incision is as nice as a 20 inch (I'm guessing) incision can look at 2 weeks out. It's got a little curve to it that I kind of like and should I decide to turn it into a 20 inch tattooo it could look pretty cool - I'm thinking vines... (really I'm NOT).
Last night I had my first rehearsal for Sweeney Todd where I play the role of the Beggar Woman. All I had to do was sit and sing for 2 1/2 hours. Well that and I had to climb 3 sets of stairs to get to the rehearsal hall. By the end of it I was exhausted. More exhausted than at any other point in this process. I was trying not to use my diaphragm to sing, but there's really no way that you can do that. I begged for a ride home in spite of the fact that it's only a five minute walk. You know I'm toast when I voluntarily ask for help. I crashed upon returning home and it took me a while to get up this morning.
I went for a small walk this morning and had lunch with a friend at a great Thai place in town. I took my substantial leftovers home. That's something else that has changed. Because my muscles are so tight across my stomach, I'm not eating as much now. I simply can't. I mean, not that I was a big gorger before (apart from around my period) but now a cup of soup and some crackers can really fill me up. So that's a good side effect. Also, taking multi-vitamins three times a day is wrecking havoc with my digestion - half the time I'm combatting nausea.
I think tomorrow I'm going to try not doing anything and see if that helps with the swelling. No walks around the block, no climbing stairs all day, no squatting to feed the cats... And then I'll just see. I'll see if that makes a difference with the swelling or if this is just how my recovery is supposed to be. In about 4 weeks time I have the opportunity to do a clowning workshop with my old Shakespeare company in Ottawa. According to the Doc I should be healed with no worries of hurting myself at that point - just no situps - and should be able to manage depending on my stamina. I really want to do this workshop. I haven't done any acting training in over a decade and it'd be really nice to flex those muscles once more and even better to do it with old friends. As long as I can sit down whenever I need to I should be okay I think - I'd really like to try.
Last night David gave me my first official music lesson on the piano. I've always wanted to learn to read music properly, so last night I started. A scale is this: tone, tone, semi-tone, tone, tone, tone, semi-tone. I can now tell you where all the "c" notes and "f" notes are on the piano. This morning I took some music paper and I started naming the notes on the staff. Over and over again I wrote out EGBDF and FACE. This healing process where I'm not allowed to do anything truly active? It's offering me the opportunity to do something that I've been putting off for years. Today I found a couple of web sites that have training tools that quiz you on notes and key signatures and I must have spent 2 hours testing myself. Today I learned the bass clef and the treble clef and that's pretty cool, I've got to say. And if I didn't have this medically imposed respite? I might not have ever tried this.
We're heading to my parents' place for Thanksgiving. They live 2 1/4 hours away so I'll get to tilt my seat back and recline all the way there. I have so much to be thankful for. I'm thankful to be alive. I'm thankful that my recuperation is getting better and better. I'm thankful to my surgeon who did a pretty amazing job I think - even at this early stage. I'm thankful for my amazing husband and daughter and mother and all my friends and family who have been incredibly supportive during this experience.
Cheers!
Heather
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
13 Days Post Op
I am ever so pleased to report that the surgeon took the drain out yesterday. Whoo-hoo! She got me to lie flat on the examining table whereupon it was confirmed that I still cannot yet be completely straight because when I tried to lie flat on my back, my knees automatically came up a bit. What's the phrase? For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction? My body is still missing that 6 inches of skin and will need some more time to adjust I think.
Taking out the drain was an interesting sensation. My drain was placed at my right hip, the tube to which it was attached seemed to be somewhere between my left hip and my belly button. It was quite a thing when she pulled it out. I instinctively averted my eyes, but the feeling of it was decidedly icky. She then took her hands and, I believe the polite word is palpated, my abdomen at the hip insicion pushing out as much fluid as she could from the drain's hole. She got me to shift a little onto my right side so that fluid could drain more. As she was touching me I realized that my lower abdomen is pretty much numb. I could feel the pressure, but my skin obviously has not yet reconnected completely to the nerve endings below. I may or may not have complete feeling returned - will have to wait and see.
I looked down my stomach and could kind of see my new belly button which has yet to round out, and my lower, lower stomach which is still a titch swollen even when I'm on my back. She explained that I would be able to shower now (THRILL OF THRILLS!) and that she wanted me to deliberately massage both the new belly button and the hip incision to encourage the sloughing off of the dissolving stitches. The Doc was very impressed with my healing so far. (One of the nurses, Sharon, had told me right after the operation that the surgeon had done a phenomenal job - one of the best results she'd ever seen.)
I asked the Doc about walking. She would really prefer I didn't walk outside the house at all. Which makes me cringe. I kind of offered her a choice about the 3 small walks a day or the one bigger walk a day and she went for the bigger walk earlier on in the day, but still stressed that especially this coming week, because I no longer have the drain in, I need to take it easy or the fluid could build up once more and I might need to be aspirated next week. Aspiration is when they insert a needle into you to release fluid build up. I'm hoping to avoid that particular pleasure. After today I shouldn't really have to worry about the dressing on the drainage hole, it should already be healing over. If fluid does build up this week, I'll call and see if instead of going all the way into Toronto, she might be able to refer me to another surgeon maybe in Peterborough or Whitby.
Even though I had "seen" my stomach I hadn't really LOOKED at it in a mirror until last night after I showed David and Rissa the results. Rissa was pretty grossed out and David was appropriately complimentary and asked what I thought. It then struck me that I hadn't actually looked yet. So I trundled into the bathroom, sidled up to the full-length mirror, eyes half-closed in anticipation... and it's... good. I mean I have a huge honkin' scar at my hip line that's all red, but it's symmetrical, and low. My belly button looks like it is in the right place, albeit a bit hairy because of the sutures still sticking out of it. (Think of your Great Aunt Hilda's ginormous wart.) It looks pretty darned good. It's flat. (Apart from the swollen bits.) My waist has come in a bit. So finally after 12 days of doubting my decision... I'm turning the corner. Now that I'm no longer covered in dried bloody gauze, I can see that this new stomach will eventually be what I had hoped it would be: tight, firm and free of cottage-cheesey squooshiness and elephant ear flappiness.
So this morning I woke early when David when downstairs to do the Wii Fit. I turned on my side in bed to pet our little cat Minuit. I TURNED ON MY SIDE! It was heavenly. I have more energy today and was feeling like I could conquer the world until I went to walk David and Rissa a few blocks and realized that I continue to be woefully shy of my regular walking pace. I walked them to the end of our street then let them proceed on their mobile way and I decided to take the Doc's words to heart about taking it easy and only walked two and a half blocks this morning. The dishwasher needs to be unloaded, the floors are in dire need of a vacuuming, beds should be made, but I shall ignore those calls until people who are able to move get home at the end of the day. Instead I shall write - I'm in the midst of a vampire novel - and seeing as I need to research for that - I'll watch some more True Blood as well.
And see? 13 days out, and I'm beginning to forget the badness... the future begins to look bright.
Cheers!
Heather
Taking out the drain was an interesting sensation. My drain was placed at my right hip, the tube to which it was attached seemed to be somewhere between my left hip and my belly button. It was quite a thing when she pulled it out. I instinctively averted my eyes, but the feeling of it was decidedly icky. She then took her hands and, I believe the polite word is palpated, my abdomen at the hip insicion pushing out as much fluid as she could from the drain's hole. She got me to shift a little onto my right side so that fluid could drain more. As she was touching me I realized that my lower abdomen is pretty much numb. I could feel the pressure, but my skin obviously has not yet reconnected completely to the nerve endings below. I may or may not have complete feeling returned - will have to wait and see.
I looked down my stomach and could kind of see my new belly button which has yet to round out, and my lower, lower stomach which is still a titch swollen even when I'm on my back. She explained that I would be able to shower now (THRILL OF THRILLS!) and that she wanted me to deliberately massage both the new belly button and the hip incision to encourage the sloughing off of the dissolving stitches. The Doc was very impressed with my healing so far. (One of the nurses, Sharon, had told me right after the operation that the surgeon had done a phenomenal job - one of the best results she'd ever seen.)
I asked the Doc about walking. She would really prefer I didn't walk outside the house at all. Which makes me cringe. I kind of offered her a choice about the 3 small walks a day or the one bigger walk a day and she went for the bigger walk earlier on in the day, but still stressed that especially this coming week, because I no longer have the drain in, I need to take it easy or the fluid could build up once more and I might need to be aspirated next week. Aspiration is when they insert a needle into you to release fluid build up. I'm hoping to avoid that particular pleasure. After today I shouldn't really have to worry about the dressing on the drainage hole, it should already be healing over. If fluid does build up this week, I'll call and see if instead of going all the way into Toronto, she might be able to refer me to another surgeon maybe in Peterborough or Whitby.
Even though I had "seen" my stomach I hadn't really LOOKED at it in a mirror until last night after I showed David and Rissa the results. Rissa was pretty grossed out and David was appropriately complimentary and asked what I thought. It then struck me that I hadn't actually looked yet. So I trundled into the bathroom, sidled up to the full-length mirror, eyes half-closed in anticipation... and it's... good. I mean I have a huge honkin' scar at my hip line that's all red, but it's symmetrical, and low. My belly button looks like it is in the right place, albeit a bit hairy because of the sutures still sticking out of it. (Think of your Great Aunt Hilda's ginormous wart.) It looks pretty darned good. It's flat. (Apart from the swollen bits.) My waist has come in a bit. So finally after 12 days of doubting my decision... I'm turning the corner. Now that I'm no longer covered in dried bloody gauze, I can see that this new stomach will eventually be what I had hoped it would be: tight, firm and free of cottage-cheesey squooshiness and elephant ear flappiness.
So this morning I woke early when David when downstairs to do the Wii Fit. I turned on my side in bed to pet our little cat Minuit. I TURNED ON MY SIDE! It was heavenly. I have more energy today and was feeling like I could conquer the world until I went to walk David and Rissa a few blocks and realized that I continue to be woefully shy of my regular walking pace. I walked them to the end of our street then let them proceed on their mobile way and I decided to take the Doc's words to heart about taking it easy and only walked two and a half blocks this morning. The dishwasher needs to be unloaded, the floors are in dire need of a vacuuming, beds should be made, but I shall ignore those calls until people who are able to move get home at the end of the day. Instead I shall write - I'm in the midst of a vampire novel - and seeing as I need to research for that - I'll watch some more True Blood as well.
And see? 13 days out, and I'm beginning to forget the badness... the future begins to look bright.
Cheers!
Heather
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
12 Days Post Op
So today is the day! Fingers crossed the surgeon takes out the dreaded drain at my appointment! Should be fine because I've had less than 30ccs in the sucker for at least 6 days now and apparently all you have to have is 2 days in a row with 30 ccs or less.
Yesterday I walked Rissa and David three blocks towards her school and then David sent me home. I might have walked another small block on the way but he doesn't have to know that. I swear that I'm not being stupid, I mean I am pretty sure that a snail could outpace me at this point, but I need to move, even as slowly as I am. And yes, I will be discussing this with the surgeon so that I don't do more damage. And this morning, I quelled my urge to walk all the way to the marina, I just walked to King Street and back.
Even though it is more than likely that I will be given the okay to shower today I couldn't stand it any longer and yesterday afternoon I had my hair washed properly at my salon. Having Rebecca scrub my scalp was better than sex, I swear by all that is holy. Plus I got a good trim which makes me feel a little bit more human. This field trip allowed me the opportunity to do a couple of things. I drove to the salon so that I'd be home in time to meet Rissa after school and I had to gently maneuver myself in and out of the hair-washing chair. Driving was a bit interesting, but I'm glad that I figured out the kinks so that when I head to Toronto today I'll know what not to do. Turning corners too fast puts stress on the tummy. Changing the radio station puts stress on the tummy. Reaching for the rear-view mirror puts stress on the tummy.
Posture by the end of the day yesterday wasn't terrible. This operation may actually help with my habit of leading from my hips - I have always had a tendency to arch my back a little too much and that is simply an impossibility at present. I went grocery shopping with David while Rissa was at dance last night. I was fine pushing the cart with the breads, crackers and other light items in it, but when we added the soy milk and juices? I had to relinquish my helm. I was also permitted to lift the bag that held the bread. Do you know how difficult it is NOT to pick stuff up? It's making me crazy. I can't unload the bottom rack of the dishwasher because it's too much bending. I can't put things in the cereal cupboard. I had to ask David to set the grocery bags up on the kitchen island for me so that I could at least put cans into the pantry. The things that are presently on the floor in my house have to stay on the floor. I could sweep, but then I wouldn't be able to use the dust pan to pick it up. So my OCD about tidying is in hyperdrive. Reclining on a chaise longue pointing at my family and ordering them around is not my idea of a good time. David mentioned that we'll need to do our fall yard work pretty soon, the temperature's already dropping. I'm not going to be up for it and that makes me feel guilty, although I'm sure that Rissa will love the opportunity to help in the garden cut down all the perennials for me.
Yesterday, by day's end, I was feeling markedly closer to my old self. Which is fantastic, but I fully recognize that I still shouldn't overdo it or I may ruin what progress I've made. We watched Studio 60 on the couch after Rissa went to bed and Colby, my 16.5 lb cat, gently climbed upon me and we got to have our first post op snuggle. I have never in my life had a cat who can make me so happy. When he plants himself on me and butts at my chin with his head and purrs and does the kneading with his lynx-like paws, honestly? I'm ecstatic. Such a little thing, but it's the best way ever to end a day (well that and really mind-blowing sex, but that's not going to be cleared for take off for at least another couple of wees) and for the past 11 days I haven't had that snuggling. He wanted another snuggle at 4:00 am which wasn't quite as thrilling. I woke in a bit of discomfort because I had slid down the pillows a bit and was a little too flat on my back and had an extra 16.5 lbs on me. Took some more Advil, propped myself up higher once more upon my wedge pillow and managed to get another 3 hours of sleep.
It takes approx. 1 hour and 25 minutes to get to the surgeon's office. I confirmed the appointment time and that I'm to meet at her office and not the surgical facility. David has reminded me 4 times over the past 15 hours that I allow myself lots of time to get there. So that means I should be leaving two hours beforehand, plus a little extra time for my speed of sloth walking. Which means I should be leaving pretty much... now.
Cheers!
Heather
Yesterday I walked Rissa and David three blocks towards her school and then David sent me home. I might have walked another small block on the way but he doesn't have to know that. I swear that I'm not being stupid, I mean I am pretty sure that a snail could outpace me at this point, but I need to move, even as slowly as I am. And yes, I will be discussing this with the surgeon so that I don't do more damage. And this morning, I quelled my urge to walk all the way to the marina, I just walked to King Street and back.
Even though it is more than likely that I will be given the okay to shower today I couldn't stand it any longer and yesterday afternoon I had my hair washed properly at my salon. Having Rebecca scrub my scalp was better than sex, I swear by all that is holy. Plus I got a good trim which makes me feel a little bit more human. This field trip allowed me the opportunity to do a couple of things. I drove to the salon so that I'd be home in time to meet Rissa after school and I had to gently maneuver myself in and out of the hair-washing chair. Driving was a bit interesting, but I'm glad that I figured out the kinks so that when I head to Toronto today I'll know what not to do. Turning corners too fast puts stress on the tummy. Changing the radio station puts stress on the tummy. Reaching for the rear-view mirror puts stress on the tummy.
Posture by the end of the day yesterday wasn't terrible. This operation may actually help with my habit of leading from my hips - I have always had a tendency to arch my back a little too much and that is simply an impossibility at present. I went grocery shopping with David while Rissa was at dance last night. I was fine pushing the cart with the breads, crackers and other light items in it, but when we added the soy milk and juices? I had to relinquish my helm. I was also permitted to lift the bag that held the bread. Do you know how difficult it is NOT to pick stuff up? It's making me crazy. I can't unload the bottom rack of the dishwasher because it's too much bending. I can't put things in the cereal cupboard. I had to ask David to set the grocery bags up on the kitchen island for me so that I could at least put cans into the pantry. The things that are presently on the floor in my house have to stay on the floor. I could sweep, but then I wouldn't be able to use the dust pan to pick it up. So my OCD about tidying is in hyperdrive. Reclining on a chaise longue pointing at my family and ordering them around is not my idea of a good time. David mentioned that we'll need to do our fall yard work pretty soon, the temperature's already dropping. I'm not going to be up for it and that makes me feel guilty, although I'm sure that Rissa will love the opportunity to help in the garden cut down all the perennials for me.
Yesterday, by day's end, I was feeling markedly closer to my old self. Which is fantastic, but I fully recognize that I still shouldn't overdo it or I may ruin what progress I've made. We watched Studio 60 on the couch after Rissa went to bed and Colby, my 16.5 lb cat, gently climbed upon me and we got to have our first post op snuggle. I have never in my life had a cat who can make me so happy. When he plants himself on me and butts at my chin with his head and purrs and does the kneading with his lynx-like paws, honestly? I'm ecstatic. Such a little thing, but it's the best way ever to end a day (well that and really mind-blowing sex, but that's not going to be cleared for take off for at least another couple of wees) and for the past 11 days I haven't had that snuggling. He wanted another snuggle at 4:00 am which wasn't quite as thrilling. I woke in a bit of discomfort because I had slid down the pillows a bit and was a little too flat on my back and had an extra 16.5 lbs on me. Took some more Advil, propped myself up higher once more upon my wedge pillow and managed to get another 3 hours of sleep.
It takes approx. 1 hour and 25 minutes to get to the surgeon's office. I confirmed the appointment time and that I'm to meet at her office and not the surgical facility. David has reminded me 4 times over the past 15 hours that I allow myself lots of time to get there. So that means I should be leaving two hours beforehand, plus a little extra time for my speed of sloth walking. Which means I should be leaving pretty much... now.
Cheers!
Heather
Saturday, October 3, 2009
9 Days Post Op
So yesterday I found myself standing in the shower inside a sliced open garbage bag taped to my rib cage with an additional piece of stretchy silver Christmas ribbon tied around the top to prevent the leaking of water on my binder and healing incisions. Now technically, I was not SUPPOSED to be in the shower but my hair was driving me crazy and the last time my mother washed it in the kitchen sink for me…. was it Tuesday?… was a really painful and awkward experience. (Lower back pain continues to be an issue. I suffered from a bulged disc in my lumbar spine in my 20s and I have had to be careful with my lower back ever since that, so my present lower back pain may well be more than somebody else’s pain)
There I was, taped into a garbage bag in the shower. Of course, soon after we entered the shower I began to feel water sluicing down the small of my back and we had to turn the water off and retape me because the fold in the garbage bag around my back had gapped – perhaps duct tape would have been a better choice than the surgical tape. Which meant that after I had washed and conditioned my hair – sheer bliss the feeling of cleansed hair – my binder was pretty much soaked all down my back. Not too big a deal because it’s my back and there are no incisions there, but that meant I needed to take my hair dryer and dry the binder so that it didn’t get all stinky and gross. Managed to get most of the dampness out and by later that night it was completely dry. Can’t tell if it’s stinky yet.
I walked around the block twice yesterday. Once in the morning and once in the afternoon. Each time took me approximately 8 minutes. This morning I was the first one up and I managed to walk two small blocks in the early morning sunshine. I think that I might have been gone 15 minutes or so. I was crossing Division Street with what I thought was plenty of time to make it (two cars coming from either side) but realized upon starting that I can’t move quite as quickly as I usually can. So there I am in the middle of the street, two cars getting closer and closer and I can’t run. I can barely shuffle, so I probably resembled a scuttling beetle in my half bent travels across the street. And again I looked like a crazy bag lady. I was wearing my black culottey type ballet pants, a black 3/4 length coat that is fashioned purposely to have a tattered look to its hem and sleeves, black ankle socks (showing off my iridescent and now REALLY hairy legs) quaint mary-janes and a chartreuse scarf. I just needed to be muttering madly to myself and you wouldn’t know the difference between me and Crazy Suzy who lives on the corner with her shopping cart and pet parrot. The good news is that as I will be playing the part of the Beggar Woman in the local production of Sweeney Todd – I’ve already discovered my character.
Had the brilliant idea to go out for breakfast this morning, but thankfully came to my senses before leaving the house. We would probably be sitting at the restaurant for at least 45 minutes and in that 45 minutes I would not really be able to lounge in my 45 degree lounging position which is best for me right now. So instead I enjoyed a home made breakfast courtesy of David and Rissa.
The dressings continue to almost disintegrate underneath the binder. Every time the binder is shifted I think they tear a little bit more. I’m wondering if we should grab some more so that I don’t completely tear the originals which have hardened congealed blood on them that causes a titch of a hurling reaction in me. Lower abdomen is still swollen - to what extent I really will have no idea until I see the surgeon on Tuesday at Day 12.
Sneezed twice last night and wondered if I might have given myself a hernia in doing so – the right side is more painful than the left to the touch now. Colby, our 16.5 pound cat was desperate to sit on me today and I just couldn’t let him – he’s still too heavy and is not a lap sitter but rather chest lounger which means that most of his weight is placed from hip to chin on whichever human he wishes to get close to.
Haven’t had to take any pain meds yet this morning – well, afternoon now. I feel stretching and a slight throbbing at the hip incision, but right now things are good (touch wood). By the end of the day I am usually much more sore and bent over to a greater degree, but I am pleased to report that the terrible terrible pain – seems to have dissipated – unless I cough, sneeze or guffaw – but I’m trying my best to avoid those things.
Cheers!
Heather
Friday, October 2, 2009
8 Days Post Op
Last night I hit the wall. Lying in bed, trying to get comfortable, having taken my 2 extra-strength Advil and 2 extra-strength Tylenol and Arnica pellets and 2 Valerian and having had David rearrange my wedge pillows twice and the 4 pillows under my legs three times, I could not settle. My lower back was killing me. "What if we try one wedge pillow with a skinny pillow on top?" I reached for David's hand frantically under the covers and he said off-handedly "Boy, you're needy tonight." Upon which, I burst into tears.
"I know! I know that I am!"
"No! Sweetie - NO - it's okay I was just joking!"
"No it's the truth... It's okay to say the truth..."
"Love, no, it's okay I didn't mean it!"
"I AM needy. I am a needy, vain, self-involved, crazy woman who just spent $6600 to mutilate my own body!"
"No honey. It's okay. You're tired and you're in pain and..."
"But I did this to myself! What kind of person does this to herself? What if I can't ever stand up straight again? What if my new belly button is deformed? My back is killing me and my ass is tingly and sore and not in a good way!"
Then he brought me some liqueur and I calmed down.
I'm kind of surprised that this outburst took this long to happen. I mean, I had my period last week - I should have had one of these blowouts long before now. Maybe having OD'd on Grey's Anatomy I was getting in my release of tension through daily weeping as it related to finding out which characters they were killing off.
And of course it's taking me longer to get to sleep. I'm not completely stoned on codeine any longer. I haven't been getting any exercise or fresh air really. I'm that person who really needs to have a half hour walk every day to expend energy and the farthest that I'd gotten was to the stop sign on my street. (Yesterday made it to the stop sign YAY!) 5 minutes of fresh air isn't going to cut it with me.
We took off the binder completely last night to check out the dressings underneath as the nurse from the surgeon's office suggested. Some of them had been torn and there were lots of bits of dried blackened blood ("Is it supposed to dry looking like sludge?") when we peeked under. David cut off some of the tape that was doing nothing but pull my skin and re-taped me and then rearranged my drain and wrapped me in the binder again a little bit tighter - which feels better actually. My lower abdomen is swollen - it kind of looks like I'm retaining water, but with all the dressings across the hip line and the belly button region I can't really tell what anything looks like. And my theory about not being able to stand up straight because of the tape? I was wrong. They cut away approximately 6 inches of my skin - I can't stand up straight because I'm missing that 6 inches of skin.
I called the nurse yesterday to check in and she seemed pretty pleased with the low amount of fluid in my drain. Said that I could come into the hospital before my appointment next Tuesday and have the drain removed if I wanted. But I'm not going to make another special trip into Toronto just for the sake of the drain. The nurse assured me that it won't hurt me to leave it in for 12 days as opposed to 8 so I'll avoid the drive and make do. She told me that I can now take pills only when I feel I need them and that I didn't have to be woken in the night every four hours. So last night, when I finally did get to sleep was wonderful. I had a full 7 hours and it was lovely.
This morning while Mom was doing the Wii Fit (she was disappointed today - she was only 12 years younger than her actual age), Rissa and I went for a walk around the block. And I'm feeling okay. I think maybe I'll try to do that at least one more time today and maybe that can help my sleep tonight.
I'm not overly emotional this morning. Mom leaves after lunch today and I'll miss her, but I've got David and Rissa to take care of me over the weekend and I know that I'll improve daily. Tears shouldn't be unexpected. I'm under stress and I am still in discomfort that can morph into fairly hefty pain. We were watching a bit of Steven Wright last night and it didn't hurt as much to laugh - so that's a great sign. To stave off sneezes I am wetting my fingers in my water glass and sticking them up my nose - I don't know if it actually stops the sneezing or merely distracts me enough so that I forget to do it, but it's working at this point. I gargle when I feel a cough coming on. I have my coping strategies.
I continue to be thankful for the support and love of my friends and family. One of my Mothers-in-Law sent me a lovely card and necklace yesterday - Thanks so much Mer! I'm planning on sending thank you notes to the nurses and anaesthesiologist today. I'm not sending a thank you to the surgeon until I stop hurting - I mean COME ON! Maybe when I stand up straight, but right now, if I'm being honest... I'm not particularly thankful to her -to send her a note saying I was would be dishonest. And that I ain't.
Cheers!
Heather
"I know! I know that I am!"
"No! Sweetie - NO - it's okay I was just joking!"
"No it's the truth... It's okay to say the truth..."
"Love, no, it's okay I didn't mean it!"
"I AM needy. I am a needy, vain, self-involved, crazy woman who just spent $6600 to mutilate my own body!"
"No honey. It's okay. You're tired and you're in pain and..."
"But I did this to myself! What kind of person does this to herself? What if I can't ever stand up straight again? What if my new belly button is deformed? My back is killing me and my ass is tingly and sore and not in a good way!"
Then he brought me some liqueur and I calmed down.
I'm kind of surprised that this outburst took this long to happen. I mean, I had my period last week - I should have had one of these blowouts long before now. Maybe having OD'd on Grey's Anatomy I was getting in my release of tension through daily weeping as it related to finding out which characters they were killing off.
And of course it's taking me longer to get to sleep. I'm not completely stoned on codeine any longer. I haven't been getting any exercise or fresh air really. I'm that person who really needs to have a half hour walk every day to expend energy and the farthest that I'd gotten was to the stop sign on my street. (Yesterday made it to the stop sign YAY!) 5 minutes of fresh air isn't going to cut it with me.
We took off the binder completely last night to check out the dressings underneath as the nurse from the surgeon's office suggested. Some of them had been torn and there were lots of bits of dried blackened blood ("Is it supposed to dry looking like sludge?") when we peeked under. David cut off some of the tape that was doing nothing but pull my skin and re-taped me and then rearranged my drain and wrapped me in the binder again a little bit tighter - which feels better actually. My lower abdomen is swollen - it kind of looks like I'm retaining water, but with all the dressings across the hip line and the belly button region I can't really tell what anything looks like. And my theory about not being able to stand up straight because of the tape? I was wrong. They cut away approximately 6 inches of my skin - I can't stand up straight because I'm missing that 6 inches of skin.
I called the nurse yesterday to check in and she seemed pretty pleased with the low amount of fluid in my drain. Said that I could come into the hospital before my appointment next Tuesday and have the drain removed if I wanted. But I'm not going to make another special trip into Toronto just for the sake of the drain. The nurse assured me that it won't hurt me to leave it in for 12 days as opposed to 8 so I'll avoid the drive and make do. She told me that I can now take pills only when I feel I need them and that I didn't have to be woken in the night every four hours. So last night, when I finally did get to sleep was wonderful. I had a full 7 hours and it was lovely.
This morning while Mom was doing the Wii Fit (she was disappointed today - she was only 12 years younger than her actual age), Rissa and I went for a walk around the block. And I'm feeling okay. I think maybe I'll try to do that at least one more time today and maybe that can help my sleep tonight.
I'm not overly emotional this morning. Mom leaves after lunch today and I'll miss her, but I've got David and Rissa to take care of me over the weekend and I know that I'll improve daily. Tears shouldn't be unexpected. I'm under stress and I am still in discomfort that can morph into fairly hefty pain. We were watching a bit of Steven Wright last night and it didn't hurt as much to laugh - so that's a great sign. To stave off sneezes I am wetting my fingers in my water glass and sticking them up my nose - I don't know if it actually stops the sneezing or merely distracts me enough so that I forget to do it, but it's working at this point. I gargle when I feel a cough coming on. I have my coping strategies.
I continue to be thankful for the support and love of my friends and family. One of my Mothers-in-Law sent me a lovely card and necklace yesterday - Thanks so much Mer! I'm planning on sending thank you notes to the nurses and anaesthesiologist today. I'm not sending a thank you to the surgeon until I stop hurting - I mean COME ON! Maybe when I stand up straight, but right now, if I'm being honest... I'm not particularly thankful to her -to send her a note saying I was would be dishonest. And that I ain't.
Cheers!
Heather
Thursday, October 1, 2009
7 Days Post Op
Technically it's not really a full 7 days until about 10:45 a.m., but I'm up now so I'm calling it that. Having finished with my giving you all the bad news posting from yesterday we will be back to our regularly programming of honesty tempered with lightheartedness so that I don't throw off anyone's tummy tucking groove. But what I said yesterday - still stands. I'm just saying.
I sneezed last night in bed and almost died - okay that's hyperbolizing a titch, but that sneeze? It took me about 5 minutes of deep breathing to recover. David looked at me in terror from across the bed. Dragging his hand to the drain to make sure I wasn't already bleeding out from surely popping every stitch in my muscle tissue. I think what I might miss most about this process is being able to snuggle with him and spoon right before I fall asleep because I'm so much higher on the bed with my wedged pillows and he's WAY down below me - I feel like everything I say to him must echo like in the Riccola commercial. "Loooooooooooooove yooooooouuuuuu... Sweeeeeeeeeeet Dreeeeeeaaaaams."
I had the best time last night with my tribe of gals. It was so nice to spend time with people from the real world. I held a pillow tightly over my lap so that Cuckoo Banana Shannon wouldn't kill me with her hilarious stories. I can't tell you how much I love you all and how great it was to see you!
So I have some ideas (and not in that crazy mad scientist way) ... Tonight, I'm going to sleep with 2 wedged-shaped pillows instead of the one I have been sleeping with for the past 3 three nights and see if that will aid in reducing th swelling in my tummy. (Because I think the swelling that I've been noticing the last little while didn't start until after I changed my angle of sleeping even though it feels so much better to be slightly flatter in bed.) I also believe that part of the reason that I can't stand up completely straight (although I'm standing up pretty darned well) is that the surgical tape is so tight on my upper abdomen that it's my early warning system for trying to stand up too straight. "WARNING! APPROACHING THE STRAIGHTENING ZONE! PULL BACK! PULL BACK!!" I am going to try to walk some more today because I think my circulation is getting a little wonky. My hands and feet were freezing all day yesterday - now that may have to do more with the fact that we really should have put the boiler on in the house as it's only about 4 degrees celcius out there and less to do with impending venal failure, but I think straight walking (not as in walking while standing straight but rather avoiding going up and down stairs) might actually be good for me. We'll see if I can convince my Mom of that. My lower back is protesting like a peevish sheep (meh. meh. meh.) and I'm trying to figure out how to best combat that. Maybe if I get somebody to rub me with some Traumeel cream?
Today I call the surgeon to giver her an update and I hope that by next Tuesday (12 days post op) I will be getting the okay to remove the drain, stand up tall and SHOWER!!!!! Plans for diversions today include perhaps watching the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice and trying some more knitting - which my Mom taught me yesterday. I was all thumbs and felt like she might actually be speaking Danish to me rather than English and that my IQ may have dropped by double digits. Mom kept saying "You know Heather, holding the tongue out of the corner of your mouth doesn't actually help you knit any better." My nine year-old daughter, when she asked if she could try at the end of the day, pretty much got it in one go. "Oh you mean like this Mummy?" That's my girl!
Cheers!
Heathere
Today's plan
I sneezed last night in bed and almost died - okay that's hyperbolizing a titch, but that sneeze? It took me about 5 minutes of deep breathing to recover. David looked at me in terror from across the bed. Dragging his hand to the drain to make sure I wasn't already bleeding out from surely popping every stitch in my muscle tissue. I think what I might miss most about this process is being able to snuggle with him and spoon right before I fall asleep because I'm so much higher on the bed with my wedged pillows and he's WAY down below me - I feel like everything I say to him must echo like in the Riccola commercial. "Loooooooooooooove yooooooouuuuuu... Sweeeeeeeeeeet Dreeeeeeaaaaams."
I had the best time last night with my tribe of gals. It was so nice to spend time with people from the real world. I held a pillow tightly over my lap so that Cuckoo Banana Shannon wouldn't kill me with her hilarious stories. I can't tell you how much I love you all and how great it was to see you!
So I have some ideas (and not in that crazy mad scientist way) ... Tonight, I'm going to sleep with 2 wedged-shaped pillows instead of the one I have been sleeping with for the past 3 three nights and see if that will aid in reducing th swelling in my tummy. (Because I think the swelling that I've been noticing the last little while didn't start until after I changed my angle of sleeping even though it feels so much better to be slightly flatter in bed.) I also believe that part of the reason that I can't stand up completely straight (although I'm standing up pretty darned well) is that the surgical tape is so tight on my upper abdomen that it's my early warning system for trying to stand up too straight. "WARNING! APPROACHING THE STRAIGHTENING ZONE! PULL BACK! PULL BACK!!" I am going to try to walk some more today because I think my circulation is getting a little wonky. My hands and feet were freezing all day yesterday - now that may have to do more with the fact that we really should have put the boiler on in the house as it's only about 4 degrees celcius out there and less to do with impending venal failure, but I think straight walking (not as in walking while standing straight but rather avoiding going up and down stairs) might actually be good for me. We'll see if I can convince my Mom of that. My lower back is protesting like a peevish sheep (meh. meh. meh.) and I'm trying to figure out how to best combat that. Maybe if I get somebody to rub me with some Traumeel cream?
Today I call the surgeon to giver her an update and I hope that by next Tuesday (12 days post op) I will be getting the okay to remove the drain, stand up tall and SHOWER!!!!! Plans for diversions today include perhaps watching the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice and trying some more knitting - which my Mom taught me yesterday. I was all thumbs and felt like she might actually be speaking Danish to me rather than English and that my IQ may have dropped by double digits. Mom kept saying "You know Heather, holding the tongue out of the corner of your mouth doesn't actually help you knit any better." My nine year-old daughter, when she asked if she could try at the end of the day, pretty much got it in one go. "Oh you mean like this Mummy?" That's my girl!
Cheers!
Heathere
Today's plan
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
6 Days Post Op
Okay so I will freely admit that I might have overdone it yesterday. The upping and downing of the stairs, the walking to the fire hydrant, the uh, Wii-ing. I was basically forbidden to move from the first floor today after I had breakfast and have only escaped on the pretext that I will be "changing my clothes." (wink, wink, nudge, nudge.) I felt like I was pretty much hit by a truck by the end of the day. See that? You feel good? Do less. Don't do more. Actually do less.
Passed a good night's sleep again last night (YAY!) Less fluid in my drain this morning (about 10 ccs) and my period is OVER (give me a freakin' high five for that one please!) So I'm at the point now where I'm not feeling brutally bad and that may turn into the eventually forgetting about how excruciating the first 4 days really were - which I CANNOT do. I wanted to ensure that when I wrote about this experience that I did not pull my punches so that people could actually get a true and timely account of the experience - which if one does in retrospect is not going to fully demonstrate the brutality of what I have voluntarily done to my body in the search for less squooshiness in the abdominal region. Most of the accounts that I read said things like "Those first days are difficult, but it's totally worth it," "The discomfort was worse the first 3 days," "I had trouble pooping." Which are all true statement but do not get to the crux of the matter.
So here it is: The pain was not just bad - it is your worst period ever - poorest dental surgery - two vertebrae out in your neck, dealing with Third World water, having had your first training session with a personal trainer who got you to run up and down the stairs of your house 68 times in one day BAD. In fact it was worse than all of that because you were trapped on your back like an overturned tortoise, couldn't move on your own, if you laugh (and still now laugh) the pain is blinding and you're terrified that that tickle in your throat may actually force you to cough because a simple cough can make you cry it hurts so much. I don't want to sugar coat any of this because when you choose to make a decision like this you really need to know. You need to know that potentially, that entire first 7 week - that's 168 hours folks, you are nearly helpless AND you have a drain (perhaps two) hanging out of your healing incision that has blood and fluid and body tissue bits in it that you have to measure and then deposit into your toilet every twelve hours. You are on pain medication that constipates you and makes you all muzzy headed, in that "What the hell am I doing here? Who is that kid standing in my room?" way.
And you need to know this sort of stuff so that you can possibly purchase the dozen pair of SPANX and try them out before you make a decision like this. I have no doubt that more than likely by next week even I'll be able stand fairly tall, and the swelling in my lower abdomen will have probably disappeared and I may be marvelling at my naked stature in the mirror thinking "Check out that cool new belly button!" Perhaps I should be looking at this process like childbirth that you go through all the pain of labour and delivery but at the end you have this amazing child to adore and snuggle with. Maybe I will be adoring and snuggling with my stomach. It's just that for any of you who are contemplating this, you need to know. YOU NEED TO KNOW. Do not make the decision lightly - think it through - remember bloody fluid and body tissue bits. I had thought this through - went into it expecting the worst and hoping for the best and those first days? Were pretty freakin' bad. And really who is in labour and delivery for 96 hours straight? People need to know that.
That being said, I wasn't completely in a codeine coma for the first several days (mostly on the advice of the surgeon who didn't want me to get all backed up) and my first ENTIRELY sleepless night as a result of the codeine with caffeine probably didn't help my healing process move along quickly. Perhaps if I had been in a drug-induced coma I would be singing a different tune here, but that wasn't for me and YOU NEED TO KNOW - because all those retrospective journal entries are not giving you the skinny.
Oh and passing gas? Had I mentioned that? The fumes emitting from my nether regions are not pleasant. My stomach is sometimes numb, sometimes painful, swollen, warm to the touch and has pins and needles. I just wanted to be sure that I wrote all that stuff down too - not to be one of those negativey-negative people, but to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about this type of surgery, because we should do that for each other, right?
Now that I have vented my spleen - I am going to powder my hooha, change my clothes, do my hair, get rid of the dark circles under my eyes with some coverup and read a little bit more before my Book Club sisters get here. Cause tonight we're talking about the Twilight Series and I get to be in love with a 17 year old vampire for the night. I just have to remember not to laugh a lot 'cause it could kill me.
Cheers!
Heather
Passed a good night's sleep again last night (YAY!) Less fluid in my drain this morning (about 10 ccs) and my period is OVER (give me a freakin' high five for that one please!) So I'm at the point now where I'm not feeling brutally bad and that may turn into the eventually forgetting about how excruciating the first 4 days really were - which I CANNOT do. I wanted to ensure that when I wrote about this experience that I did not pull my punches so that people could actually get a true and timely account of the experience - which if one does in retrospect is not going to fully demonstrate the brutality of what I have voluntarily done to my body in the search for less squooshiness in the abdominal region. Most of the accounts that I read said things like "Those first days are difficult, but it's totally worth it," "The discomfort was worse the first 3 days," "I had trouble pooping." Which are all true statement but do not get to the crux of the matter.
So here it is: The pain was not just bad - it is your worst period ever - poorest dental surgery - two vertebrae out in your neck, dealing with Third World water, having had your first training session with a personal trainer who got you to run up and down the stairs of your house 68 times in one day BAD. In fact it was worse than all of that because you were trapped on your back like an overturned tortoise, couldn't move on your own, if you laugh (and still now laugh) the pain is blinding and you're terrified that that tickle in your throat may actually force you to cough because a simple cough can make you cry it hurts so much. I don't want to sugar coat any of this because when you choose to make a decision like this you really need to know. You need to know that potentially, that entire first 7 week - that's 168 hours folks, you are nearly helpless AND you have a drain (perhaps two) hanging out of your healing incision that has blood and fluid and body tissue bits in it that you have to measure and then deposit into your toilet every twelve hours. You are on pain medication that constipates you and makes you all muzzy headed, in that "What the hell am I doing here? Who is that kid standing in my room?" way.
And you need to know this sort of stuff so that you can possibly purchase the dozen pair of SPANX and try them out before you make a decision like this. I have no doubt that more than likely by next week even I'll be able stand fairly tall, and the swelling in my lower abdomen will have probably disappeared and I may be marvelling at my naked stature in the mirror thinking "Check out that cool new belly button!" Perhaps I should be looking at this process like childbirth that you go through all the pain of labour and delivery but at the end you have this amazing child to adore and snuggle with. Maybe I will be adoring and snuggling with my stomach. It's just that for any of you who are contemplating this, you need to know. YOU NEED TO KNOW. Do not make the decision lightly - think it through - remember bloody fluid and body tissue bits. I had thought this through - went into it expecting the worst and hoping for the best and those first days? Were pretty freakin' bad. And really who is in labour and delivery for 96 hours straight? People need to know that.
That being said, I wasn't completely in a codeine coma for the first several days (mostly on the advice of the surgeon who didn't want me to get all backed up) and my first ENTIRELY sleepless night as a result of the codeine with caffeine probably didn't help my healing process move along quickly. Perhaps if I had been in a drug-induced coma I would be singing a different tune here, but that wasn't for me and YOU NEED TO KNOW - because all those retrospective journal entries are not giving you the skinny.
Oh and passing gas? Had I mentioned that? The fumes emitting from my nether regions are not pleasant. My stomach is sometimes numb, sometimes painful, swollen, warm to the touch and has pins and needles. I just wanted to be sure that I wrote all that stuff down too - not to be one of those negativey-negative people, but to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about this type of surgery, because we should do that for each other, right?
Now that I have vented my spleen - I am going to powder my hooha, change my clothes, do my hair, get rid of the dark circles under my eyes with some coverup and read a little bit more before my Book Club sisters get here. Cause tonight we're talking about the Twilight Series and I get to be in love with a 17 year old vampire for the night. I just have to remember not to laugh a lot 'cause it could kill me.
Cheers!
Heather
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
5 Days Post Op
I slept last night! I actually slept! And then I went back to sleep after my middle of the night drugs! I'm so much better rested today I cannot tell you! And waking to my Mom? Who has probably the entire energy of the sun inside her body first thing in the the morning - all smiles and "Good Mornings!" and hugs? Gotta say it's a really nice way to start the day.
I was bad today. I might have, uh... I might have done some balance exercises on the Wii Fit. But only one game of table tilt. And the uh, balance testing thingies, but they really only move your ass and your thighs - I didn't go crazy. And nobody can David or he will tie me to the sofa. My Mom laughed because her Wii Fit age was a year younger than mine. She too, is addicted to the Wii and was kind enough to let Rissa design her Mii for her.
Went a little further in my morning walk - to the first fire hydrant today. My Mom holds my arm and I hold my tummy and remain slightly hunched over. Since the surgery I have been wearing an electric blue nightie-type thing that goes down to just above the knee - very loose in the skirt so that you can hardly see the drain. Under that I have a teal-coloured tank top so that my electric blue nightie-type thing doesn't expose too much of the bodacious tatas. I am wearing a pair of turquoise and yellow striped socks that go to the knees with little pink bows on the outside, black ballet slippers, a turquoise cardigan and to go outside so that when the wind hits I don't show all of my street my nether regions (because really, panties are WAY to awkward for me yet) I am wearing a black pair of culotte type pants. My style today: Colourful bad lady. I'm thinking of starting a line of clothing.
I shaved my armpits at the sink today - couldn't stand it any longer. I'm going to beg my Mom to wash my hair at the kitchen sink today. She's out right now food shopping for dinner (she's making fish! YAY!) and getting me some gingerale that I can flatten because my tummy's still a little bit woobly and some peanut butter because, well, we're out of peanut butter and I really like it on toast. We've been watching more of Grey's Anatomy, both of us bawling our eyes out. One tissue box in the room that I have to throw over to her after I grab my own so that I can blow my nose without engaging any core muscles.
I have the best friends in the world who have sent over food and have commiserated with me, sent me great emails and comments. Tonight two friends are coming over for a girls' night - I think that I might force them to watch An Affair to Remember with me and we can all cry.
Day 5 is better than Day 4 - but I'll try to retain my sanity and not think "I have the strength of the Bionic Woman!" so that I don't ruin the progress that I am making. And although my energy level is a bit better, my lower back is sore from the hunching over, so I'm not standing for too long at a stretch. The middle part of my stomach under the binder seems like it's swollen - I'm probably holding onto a little fluid because yesterday I really enjoyed my rice chips with all the extra salt. Have no idea what the stomach really truly looks like under everything at this point because frankly, the binder feels good on there and I don't want to jinx anything. I am finding that we have to pretty much adjust the binder once a day to make sure that it's not sliding up. My hips aren't as bruised from the the liposuction - now it just feels like I've been bouncing off the corner of the countertop in the kitchen. Maybe, just maybe I might be able to lie on my side today for a nap! YAY!
Cheers!
Heather
Cheers!
Heather
I was bad today. I might have, uh... I might have done some balance exercises on the Wii Fit. But only one game of table tilt. And the uh, balance testing thingies, but they really only move your ass and your thighs - I didn't go crazy. And nobody can David or he will tie me to the sofa. My Mom laughed because her Wii Fit age was a year younger than mine. She too, is addicted to the Wii and was kind enough to let Rissa design her Mii for her.
Went a little further in my morning walk - to the first fire hydrant today. My Mom holds my arm and I hold my tummy and remain slightly hunched over. Since the surgery I have been wearing an electric blue nightie-type thing that goes down to just above the knee - very loose in the skirt so that you can hardly see the drain. Under that I have a teal-coloured tank top so that my electric blue nightie-type thing doesn't expose too much of the bodacious tatas. I am wearing a pair of turquoise and yellow striped socks that go to the knees with little pink bows on the outside, black ballet slippers, a turquoise cardigan and to go outside so that when the wind hits I don't show all of my street my nether regions (because really, panties are WAY to awkward for me yet) I am wearing a black pair of culotte type pants. My style today: Colourful bad lady. I'm thinking of starting a line of clothing.
I shaved my armpits at the sink today - couldn't stand it any longer. I'm going to beg my Mom to wash my hair at the kitchen sink today. She's out right now food shopping for dinner (she's making fish! YAY!) and getting me some gingerale that I can flatten because my tummy's still a little bit woobly and some peanut butter because, well, we're out of peanut butter and I really like it on toast. We've been watching more of Grey's Anatomy, both of us bawling our eyes out. One tissue box in the room that I have to throw over to her after I grab my own so that I can blow my nose without engaging any core muscles.
I have the best friends in the world who have sent over food and have commiserated with me, sent me great emails and comments. Tonight two friends are coming over for a girls' night - I think that I might force them to watch An Affair to Remember with me and we can all cry.
Day 5 is better than Day 4 - but I'll try to retain my sanity and not think "I have the strength of the Bionic Woman!" so that I don't ruin the progress that I am making. And although my energy level is a bit better, my lower back is sore from the hunching over, so I'm not standing for too long at a stretch. The middle part of my stomach under the binder seems like it's swollen - I'm probably holding onto a little fluid because yesterday I really enjoyed my rice chips with all the extra salt. Have no idea what the stomach really truly looks like under everything at this point because frankly, the binder feels good on there and I don't want to jinx anything. I am finding that we have to pretty much adjust the binder once a day to make sure that it's not sliding up. My hips aren't as bruised from the the liposuction - now it just feels like I've been bouncing off the corner of the countertop in the kitchen. Maybe, just maybe I might be able to lie on my side today for a nap! YAY!
Cheers!
Heather
Cheers!
Heather
Monday, September 28, 2009
4 Days Post Op
Tired today. Didn't sleep well from my 3:30 a.m. drug dose. Slightly nauseated in the morning to the point where I popped a Gravol. Drinking the prune juice continues to be a great taste sensation, but can't complain as I am pooping regularly - hooray! My Grey's Anatomy binge fest is so deliciouly decadent. My Mom came after lunch and there ain't nothing like a Mom to make you feel bettter. Could not keep my eyes opened in the afternoon and dozed for about an hour. After dinner, I walked half a block with David and my Mom as bodyguards ensuring that I didn't try to overextend myself, the first time out. Now, of course I feel like I was hit by a truck. But to go from walking 5-10 km daily to doing nothing - I'm having fresh air DTs! I know that I have to take it easy, I KNOW that. I'm trying to be good. I don't want to hurt myself, but if I don't start to get some oxygen moving through my system soon...
Going to try to sleep with only one wedge pillow under my back tonight to see if that helps my sleep cycle. My skin under the binding is itchy which probably means that I'm beginning to heal - Whoo-Hoo to that! Played the Pyramid Home Game with Mom, David and Rissa right before bed. "Things a Panda would say?" "Black and White things?" So much fun in spite of my having to hold onto my stomach when I did laugh so that I wouldn't pop any stitches. Mom and I laugh so much together and that I have a kid who likes word games? I'm in 7th Heaven here! Going to try to make it through the night without any codeine - I'll see how that works and I'll let you know.
Although I did feel better today, my energy level is actual less because I did more, if that makes any sense - I'll have to be a bit more vigilant about that. I don't want to his to be a 2 steps forward 3 steps back kind of thing. Other good news - my drain which had been draining about 50 cc's a day drained 30 cc's today - which is a REALLY good thing!
Cheers!
Heather
Going to try to sleep with only one wedge pillow under my back tonight to see if that helps my sleep cycle. My skin under the binding is itchy which probably means that I'm beginning to heal - Whoo-Hoo to that! Played the Pyramid Home Game with Mom, David and Rissa right before bed. "Things a Panda would say?" "Black and White things?" So much fun in spite of my having to hold onto my stomach when I did laugh so that I wouldn't pop any stitches. Mom and I laugh so much together and that I have a kid who likes word games? I'm in 7th Heaven here! Going to try to make it through the night without any codeine - I'll see how that works and I'll let you know.
Although I did feel better today, my energy level is actual less because I did more, if that makes any sense - I'll have to be a bit more vigilant about that. I don't want to his to be a 2 steps forward 3 steps back kind of thing. Other good news - my drain which had been draining about 50 cc's a day drained 30 cc's today - which is a REALLY good thing!
Cheers!
Heather
Sunday, September 27, 2009
81 Hours Post Op
I coughed while mainlining the 5th season of Grey's Anatomy and felt like I might die. Due to my period I'm a little more weepy than usual and watching the doctors at Seattle Grace having to live their lives - to kill or not kill Prisoners on Death Row, 10 year olds who almost die of liver transplants, friends who fight for each other... forces me to reach for the tissues but I can't really blow my nose because that too takes my core muscles and I can't use them. The earlier part of the day I can stand straighter than at the latter part of the day. David purchased one of those chair massager thingies that can massage your butt, your back and shoulders - maybe that might help taking the numbness out of my ass.
So I spent $6,600 to voluntarily cause myself weeks' worth of pain. How many pairs of SPANX could I have bought instead? I'm really, really, REALLY hoping that in a month's time, when I'm no longer hopped up on pills and/or in pain and/or can stand up straight that I will look at my flat stomach and think "It was all worth it. Those days and days and days of pain the I suffered through, the sleepless night, the backed up bowels? All of that will fade into the past as I gaze at my new taut tummy." Right?
I mean, I know that I will forget the pain - I certainly did forget the pain of the c-section - that's why I was crazy enough to do this surgery to begin with - witness my previous posts... But this thing that I have done ALL for me - because David certainly didn't want me to do it - he supported me, but loves me as I was and wasn't grossed out by all my woobliness and cottage cheesiness.
Mostly this surgery was done so that I will not have people conversationally asking me on a quarterly basis when my baby is due. I can't tell you what it does to a woman's self-esteem - especially when you really think you look great on a particular day - when somebody asks how far along you are. If all goes well after this, I will no longer have people asking me that question.
I look at my body, bound in its tenser bandage girdle and it seems smaller, but I do have to say that I'm still a little afraid to open up the binding to see. I'm itchy and kind of tingly in places I didn't think I had stitches - I think that some of that is from where they stuck me with a needle to do the liposuction.
And for the TMI portion of the blog
DO NOT READ IF YOU GET AT ALL QUEASY!!
The drain? Has bits of things in it. Pieces of ME along with the, uh... fluid. I'm just saying - if you don't like stuff like this? Lots of pain and bits of your own personal body tissue bobbing in a drainage tube - a tummy tuck may not be the thing for you. You might want to calculate how much really sexy underwear that you can buy that will camouflage that area of your body.
Apparently I'm wallowing in the self-doubting part of recovery, but that something else you should know about. Because that will happen as well. All will be well though, because my mother arrives tomorrow at lunch time and will probably say "Snap out of it!" and shake her head and laugh and cook me great food and give me gentle hugs and play word games with me. It'll all be good, but right now? I'm still wallowing - just so you know.
Cheers!
Heather
So I spent $6,600 to voluntarily cause myself weeks' worth of pain. How many pairs of SPANX could I have bought instead? I'm really, really, REALLY hoping that in a month's time, when I'm no longer hopped up on pills and/or in pain and/or can stand up straight that I will look at my flat stomach and think "It was all worth it. Those days and days and days of pain the I suffered through, the sleepless night, the backed up bowels? All of that will fade into the past as I gaze at my new taut tummy." Right?
I mean, I know that I will forget the pain - I certainly did forget the pain of the c-section - that's why I was crazy enough to do this surgery to begin with - witness my previous posts... But this thing that I have done ALL for me - because David certainly didn't want me to do it - he supported me, but loves me as I was and wasn't grossed out by all my woobliness and cottage cheesiness.
Mostly this surgery was done so that I will not have people conversationally asking me on a quarterly basis when my baby is due. I can't tell you what it does to a woman's self-esteem - especially when you really think you look great on a particular day - when somebody asks how far along you are. If all goes well after this, I will no longer have people asking me that question.
I look at my body, bound in its tenser bandage girdle and it seems smaller, but I do have to say that I'm still a little afraid to open up the binding to see. I'm itchy and kind of tingly in places I didn't think I had stitches - I think that some of that is from where they stuck me with a needle to do the liposuction.
And for the TMI portion of the blog
DO NOT READ IF YOU GET AT ALL QUEASY!!
The drain? Has bits of things in it. Pieces of ME along with the, uh... fluid. I'm just saying - if you don't like stuff like this? Lots of pain and bits of your own personal body tissue bobbing in a drainage tube - a tummy tuck may not be the thing for you. You might want to calculate how much really sexy underwear that you can buy that will camouflage that area of your body.
Apparently I'm wallowing in the self-doubting part of recovery, but that something else you should know about. Because that will happen as well. All will be well though, because my mother arrives tomorrow at lunch time and will probably say "Snap out of it!" and shake her head and laugh and cook me great food and give me gentle hugs and play word games with me. It'll all be good, but right now? I'm still wallowing - just so you know.
Cheers!
Heather
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